Puzzle Pieces
by pinkzoe
Summary: Deadliest Catch, just a little one-shot I can't get out of my head
1. Chapter 1

Her senses were clouded with him. Reality overlapped Jill's dreams as his arm came around her. She felt him pull her body slightly back, felt the puzzle pieces of their bodies slip together. Unconsciously she wiggled against his hard body.

She imagined what she'd see if she opened her eyes, she wore a white tank top and a pair of purple boyshorts, he wore a pair of faded black sweatpants. His tanned arm slung around her waist teased the sensitive skin of her belly.

He shifted, rubbed his lips on her bare shoulder and slipped a hand up to cup her breast. She relaxed back into the embrace, her breathing deepening as she slipped back into sleep.

His body betrayed him, he struggled not to grind his erection into her ass. His hand drifted back to tease the line of bare skin, relishing the warmth, the smooth firm skin of her stomach. His mind pulled back and forth, how much did he want to risk, knowing her brother slept in the stateroom next door, knowing his brother slept in the bed not 3 feet away.

His hand slipped under her shirt to tease her nipple, groaning silently he pulled her ever closer and ran his fingers over the hardened peak. Moving his hand up he gave the other nipple the same treatment. Opening his eyes slightly he shifted his head down to nip at her neck, biting softly only to soothe with his tongue.

He heard her breathing quicken, a signal she was awake, that they no longer drifted between dreams and reality. Her hand covered his, stilled his tweaking of her nipples.

"Shhhhhhh," he whispered, nipping at her ear, "you're beautiful, just let me touch you."

Her heart raced, as she considered. They'd been walking this line, but this was at least 3 steps over the line.

"Stop thinking so much," he dropped kisses along her neck.

His hand moved back down, his long fingers spread to cover her bare stomach. "Or we can just sleep - it's up to you."

Seconds passed like an eternity, he relaxed back toward sleep when he felt her hand tentatively move his back to her breast.

He rolled her nipples between his fingers and nearly shook with pleasure when she wiggled her ass against his erection. In one move her rolled her over and sealed his mouth to hers. Pulling her body against his he wove his legs between hers. She arched against him as his tongue touched hers for the first time.

Tearing his mouth away from hers he pushed her shirt up to reveal her bare breasts, meeting her eyes he brought a finger to his lips, "shhh," he mimed and she nodded. He kissed each of her nipples and tugged one into his mouth. Nipping and soothing just as he had the soft skin of her neck.

She rubbed herself against his leg, friction, all she needed was a little friction and she'd fly. Her body was tied in knots, aching for release. Pulling his head from her breast she met his lips again frantically.

His hand slipped under the waistband of her underwear, cupping the curve of her ass in his hand and pulling her pelvis against him. "Please," she whispered, sucking his earlobe into her mouth.

He slipped a finger inside her and she buried her head in the crook of his neck. "Oh god," she whispered pressing her lips where his neck met his shoulder. His thumb toyed over her clit and she bit her lip against the moan.

"I want you to come for me Jill," he whispered, watching as she rode his hand with abandon. He added another finger and smiled as her eyes widened.

She felt the delicious stretch, the warmth seep from her bellybutton toward her fingertips. His fingers twisted inside her and the coil snapped she fell over the edge, sinking her teeth into the sinewy muscle of his shoulder.

"Holy shit."


	2. Chapter 2

_AN ~ and our mystery man gets his_ . . .

He crushed her to his chest feeling her heart pound against him. Her eyes lifted to his and their lips met slowly, teasing this time, learning the the secrets held in tongues and teeth, lips and hands. She ran her teeth along his lower lip and he arched against her, her hand slipped down the curve of his ass, relishing the freedom to touch him as she pleased.

Nudging his shoulder slightly she pushed him over on his back and snuggled against his side. Slowly she began her exploration, her tongue followed her hands running over the wiry muscles of his arms, dipping below the blanket to tickle his side, spreading her hand wide across his warm hard stomach.

She dropped a kiss on the bicep her head rested on. Tracing her fingers across his rough, callused hands she kissed each finger individually, drawing a deep breath at the memory of what those hands were capable of doing to her body.

She lifted herself over him, dipping her head to kiss him while guiding him to slide further into the shadows against the wall.

She draped herself over him, her hands massaged his scalp while she teased his lips with nipping kisses, her bare breasts pressed against his hard chest.

Her tiny hands seemed designed specifically to drive him crazy. He shivered as she dropped open mouthed kisses along his neck, his stomach muscles jumped as her fingers crawled across the planes of his chest.

She rolled his nipples just as he'd rolled hers, her leg thrown across his lower body his pelvis arching against her leg, his rock hard erection straining against the worn fabric of his sweats.

She bit a nipple gently and slid her hand under the waistband of his pants. Her head shot up, eyebrows quirking and wide eyes meeting his when she realized he'd been spooned against her all night wearing nothing under the sweats.

Grinning wickedly she ducked under the blankets to kneel between his legs.

His toes curled in anticipation as he felt her warm breath streak across his stomach. He stole a look at the bed across from him, relieved to see his brother has rolled to face the wall. They share many things, jobs, responsibility, a quick temper and sometimes even girls, but he wants this moment for himself, he wants to step over the line alone.

She pulled his pants to his ankles, dropping a kiss on each of his thighs as she crawled back up. Under the blanket his body throbbed in anticipation. His eyes drifting shut and he tried to just feel, to relax into this moment.

She ran her tongue around the head like a lollipop and he smiled, she always does things her own way. His body ached for more, as he questioned his ability to stand it her mouth engulfed him and he sunk his teeth into his lip till he tasted blood, the pleasure seemingly more intense when combined with the harshly metallic taste.

Her hands and mouth worked in tandem, savoring his pleasure, her senses were overwhelmed with him. She sucked slowly, carefully, her nipples rubbed against the coarse hair on his legs and his velvety hardness against her tongue.

Unable to resist he stole a look under the covers, never stopping her ministrations her eyes flickered up to his at the rush of cold air and he's lost, exploding, hands in her hair caressing her shoulders, the vibrations of pleasure coursing through his body.

His hands shake with aftershocks as he pulls her up and against him, her soft and pliant body like warmed wax curled against his, he dropped a kiss on her forehead and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Holy shit is right,"


	3. Chapter 3

_AN ~ One more I think after this one, be gentle the plot bunnies weren't sure where they wanted to go with this one._

"Mornin,'" he mumbled casually when she stumbled into the galley to join the group already eating breakfast, like she hadn't woken up 20 minutes earlier with his very insistent fingers again on her rock-hard clit and a mind-shattering orgasm before the fog in her brain could clear enough to form a coherent sentence.

They flew home from Dutch later that morning, the rancorous group taking up row upon row in the small plane. She'd fallen asleep sitting next a local woman and woke up with her head pillowed against his shoulder. She'd cuddled under his jacket, shivered as the wind bounced the plane around, his hand found hers to lace their fingers together.

They'd taken the Anchorage airport by storm, dumping bags at the gate and using laptops to check e-mail, charging phones and drifting to buy coffee and magazines while they waited for their flight to Seattle.

It was there that he stole a kiss, dragging her into a shadowy alcove to kiss her breath away. Making it clear that the night before had been anything but a one time performance.

The flight from Anchorage to Seattle was blissfully quick, she sat between her brothers and watched a movie, he sat 5 rows back, asleep against the window before the wheels had even left the ground, the weary exhaustion of King Crab season overtaking him.

Exhausted from a day of travel they'd gone their separate ways at the airport, a friend shuttling he and his brother home, her family piling into the Suburban for drop off at their various homes.

She'd showered at home, washing away the hours of flying, the stale airport air from her body, she pulled on his cut-off t-shirt she'd absconded with that morning and curled under a blanket drifting between sleep and awake, mindless TV the soundtrack to her nap.

He'd briefly considered staying away but the siren call of her soft skin under his hands was too much to resist. When she answered the door wearing only his shirt he was lost, kicking the door shut to kiss the hell out of her, raindrops still clinging to the coat she pushed off his shoulders onto the floor.

Her arms wound around his neck as he pinned her against the front door. Their tongues danced against each other as his hands spanned her hips and she realized she'd been waiting for him since she had left the airport. Then he kissed a trail down the side of her neck and she didn't think at all.

While he used his tongue and teeth on her neck and bare shoulder she dropped her hands to the button of his jeans, he bucked against her knuckles when she went to work and she cupped him for a moment through his jeans, satisfied to hear the strangled moan against her neck. Freeing the button she dipped her hands under the waistband to his boxer-clad ass and pulled him against her.

He snaked a hand under the shirt and traced her spine with his warm rough fingers as he met her lips, their tongues tangled again and she nipped at his lip when he pulled away to kick off his shoes.

"Naked," was all he could think as he kicked off his pants as well. She clawed at his back while he caught the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head. Distracted by her bare breasts he filled his hands with her curves, running his thumbs over her instantly hard nipples. Her head dropped back against the door when he replaced his fingers with his teeth.

She pulled his shirt over his head and groaned when she pressed their bare skin together. Their lips caught in a frantic kiss as he pushed her boyshorts to the floor.

She boosted herself up to wrap her legs around his waist, her hips sought his, arching against him to sooth the ache. Bracing her against the door he slammed his pelvis against her and grinning to himself as she moaned through the kiss.

On one of his thrusts the angle hit just right and she came just short of shattering in his arms and suddenly he can't wait to be inside her, this isn't the way he'd planned it, the way he'd envisioned it behind closed eyes on the plane, but she's naked and pressed against him and he thought nothing has ever felt so good.

Until he sinks into her warm depths, and then he knows nothing has ever felt this good.

She buried her head against his chest and he held still for a minute, letting her adjust, he hadn't thought this was going to be a casual thing, hadn't really had a plan, but now, less than 24 hours since she shocked him by silently coming against the heel of his hand, he already knows he couldn't give her up.

Suddenly she's frantic for him to move, catching his mouth with hers her eyes implore him to move, rubbing her lips across his chest as her inner muscles squeeze him tightly. His breath caught as he thrust into her, pulling her towards him and bending his knees to crawl ever deeper into her body. She bit back a moan and he bent to whisper in her ear, "Tonight there's no one to hear you but me."

Her breasts bounced as he levered her against the door, her nails scratching his back, random words pouring from her lips like a prayer, his hands grasping her hips so tightly she knew she'd carry the outline of his fingertips in the days to follow. On his next thrust her eyes locked with his and without any warning she's falling over the edge sobbing his name as she pulsed around him.

The sound of his name on her lips was enough to drive him over the edge and with one final thrust he exploded into her with a groan.

He rested his head against her shoulder, his heart racing as he wrapped his arms around her. She ran her fingers through his hair and bent to lick a line of salty sweat from his shoulder. He lifts her ass away from the door, moving toward the couch and the slight movement sent her tumbling over the edge again.

She smiled softly when he drops onto the couch still holding her against him. She kissed him lightly as he wrapped them both in blanket.

"I'm glad you stopped by," she nuzzled her lips against his neck, inhaling his familiar scent and relaxing into his embrace.


	4. Chapter 4

_AN ~ A little Friday afternoon [at least on the left coast __] gift, the last of my friend Jilly's escapades. And for JakeHarrisLover and everyone else who wondered, we finally learn the identity of the mystery man. Thank you all so very much for your reviews ~ it means so much to me._

He fell asleep. She moved away slowly, extracting herself quietly from his arms so as not to wake him. She left him sleeping naked on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, a mindless sitcom on low in the background.

Upstairs she sorted her laundry, the pile of dirty clothes stacked haphazardly on her bed, slowly becoming ruthlessly organized stacks, waiting in line for their turn in the washing machine.

Reaching into her duffel bag her hand closed on the white tank top she'd worn the night before, hidden under a cardigan tightly wrapped around her at the bar - armor against a situation she wasn't completely comfortable with, revealed as she relaxed sipping beer and laughing with her family, the cardigan abandoned on a chair later along with her insecurities, riding up while they danced his hands teasing the revealed line of bare skin and finally acting as sleepwear, too tired to do any more than strip off her pants pull off her bra and crawl into his then-empty bed.

And now, she thought as she sat on the edge of the bed, commence with the freaking the fuck out.

He shifted on the couch, confused for a moment about where he was, why there was no longer a warm body curled against him. Pulling on his jeans he wandered into her dimly lit kitchen. As at home in her house as his own he pulled a water from the fridge and studied the pictures pasted to the side, recognizing events, her birthday, a summer BBQ, her smiling family. Leaving the bottle on the table he mounted the stairs to find her.

He startled her, his long legs coming around her, his hands wrapping around her waist. "Stop freaking out," he pulled her against his chest and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"I'm trying," her hands shook as she rested her fingers over his. "Not succeeding."

"I'm not professing my love to you right now," she tried to stand up, to walk away from this conversation and he held her against him, "let me finish," he flashed back to the pictures on the fridge, the history they already shared, "it wouldn't be fair to either of us to do that, but I'll give you this." She turned to look at him, "I want to see where this goes, to see what happens when we're more than old friends, test the waters."

Something inside her tightened and released. "Test the waters, huh," she rested her head on his shoulder, "good thing I'm a strong swimmer."

"If I bring my laundry in from my car, will you wash it?" he smirked at her piles.

She smacked his bare stomach, "we're seeing what happens, that doesn't mean I'm doing your laundry."

"I ordered takeout from the place down the street," he dumped her on the bed and disappeared down the hall, "I got that chicken thing you love, you can do my laundry as payment."

It was comfortable, she scooped the last bit of chicken onto her chopsticks, sitting in her kitchen with him, takeout boxes spread over the table. They had always been friends, had never lacked for conversation topics.

He caught her hand as she stood to carry the dishes to the sink. Pulled her to straddle his lap, she stroked his shoulders and smiled when his hands wrapped around her waist, she pressed her lips to his opening her mouth to tangle with his tongue. He shifted as he deepened the kiss, sliding his hands down to her ass and pulling her tight against his erection. She moaned into his mouth as his tongue swept the roof of her mouth, rocking against him in time with his thrusting tongue.

He pulled away to catch his breath and she dropped her head onto his shoulder. "I have to work really early tomorrow morning," she mumbled her breath tickling his neck. "I want you to stay," she kissed his neck and sat up, "but I have to make my lunch and switch the laundry and fair-warning, the alarm is going to come very, very soon."

"OK," he pressed his lips to hers once more before standing up, "do your chores. I'm going to go up and grab a shower."

She was folding laundry, the TV on low, when he walked out of the bathroom naked. Digging through the basket of clean clothes he found a pair of his sweats and stepped into them. Collapsing in the center of her bed he watched as she finished pairing socks and set the laundry basket on the floor. His eyes followed her as she brushed her teeth and washed her face, rolling to his back as she slid out of her sweats and dumped them in the hamper and pulled on a thin tank top.

She pulled back the comforter and they crawled under. He sighed as his head sunk into the pillows. "No bed is ever as comfortable as the first bed you sleep in off the boat," he pulled her against his side, resting her head against his chest, "and the company helps too."

They kissed slowly, content this time to get lost in each other, she couldn't stop touching him, running her hands over his bare stomach, testing the muscles, poking him where she knew he was ticklish. He jumped when she poked at his side and she grinned and threw her leg over to hold him down.

Kissing her again he ran his hand up her bare leg, as happy to touch her as she is to touch him. With a groan he fisted a hand in the soft material of her t-shirt and flipped her onto her back. Taking control he leaned over her, his hand cupping her cheek as he kissed her fervently.

She ran her hands over his chest, still seeking flesh, as much of his flesh as she could get her hands on. She wanted to take it, to own it, to fill her hands with the ridges and valleys, to drown in him. Her body arched when he returned the favor, when he filled his hands with the peaks and valleys of her his callused hands teasing her nipples to sharp points.

He pulled her tank off, laying her back to knead her breasts his mouth dipping to catch her hardened nipple between his teeth and bite gently. When he sucked gently on the hardened tip she arched against his mouth. His hand squeezed her hips as she rocked against him and things got a little out of control. He's grinding against her soft body, both moaning when the angle hits just right and if not for her underwear and his worn sweats he'd be slamming into her with abandon. Reaching between her legs he pressed a thumb against her clit and was rewarded with what he hopes will be the first of many orgasms tonight.

She shook a little when he made his way down her body, watched through hooded eyes as he raised one of her legs to kiss the arch of her foot. He grinned when she yanked her foot away, "you may know all the places I'm ticklish," he smirked and raised the other with the same results, "but I know your secret spots too."

He massaged her calves and she groaned, relaxing into the sensation of his strong hands working up her body. Her heart skipped a beat as his hands spread her legs, she cupped her breasts and watched as he leaned down and sucked her clit into his mouth. Her toes curled and she arched her back, squeezing her nipples as his tongue ran circles around the bundle of nerves.

He held her hips down with one hand as he continued to manipulate her body. She was louder than he expected, her moans interspersed with a running commentary of little squeaks and gasps that felt like lightening bolts to his brain. He slid 2 fingers into her, twisted them slowly and felt the fluttering contractions.

He shucked his pants quickly and slid into her at the height of her orgasm, touching his forehead to hers while he felt her stretch around him, her body shaking with pleasure.

"So good," he sucked on her collarbone, stroked once against her, grinned wickedly when she arched against him her fingers digging into his back, "and now I'm going to make you scream."

She tilted her hips against him, shaking as the friction between their bodies set her nerve endings on fire. He stroked rhythmically against her, kissing her and tweaking her nipples. When she ran her nails down his back he bore down on her, coaxing her over the edge as her eyes locked on his. He wasn't joking about making her scream, waves of pleasure washed over her and she screamed his name.

His arms shook as he held himself over her, reaching down he cupped a hand under her ass and rolled them so she sat astride him. She gasped a little as she sunk down on him, riding slowly she pushed her hair off her face as his hands guided her hips against him.

His hips arched off the bed to drive her, she braced herself against his chest and gave as good as she got. Her hands would leave marks on him chest, just as his had left marks on her hips.

"Go, go, go," he begged, rearing up to take her nipple in his mouth. The added friction as he sat up was enough to send her over the edge and he followed with a shout.

Exhausted she laid across his chest, hearts pounding against each other, his hands rubbing loose circles around her back, her arms wrapped around his neck. Kissing his nose she rolled off him and disappeared into the bathroom. He heard the toilet flush and felt her slide back against him.

Lacing their fingers together she sighed and drifted toward sleep.

She felt like she'd just dropped off when her phone rang, she managed to close her fingers around it without opening her eyes.

"Is someone dead," her voice cracked as she rested her head back against his chest..

"Hi J," her oldest brother's gleeful voice poured through the phone.

"Scotty Earl Hillstrand, I swear to god you better not be calling to chat," she squinted at the clock, "I have to be at the hospital in less than 3 hours."

"I told mom I would remind you she's making family dinner tomorrow night, or I guess," he paused, "technically tonight since it is tomorrow, every body's coming."

"I have to work till 6," she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, in the background she heard bottles clinking and Hotel California playing. "Where are you brother."

"Home," she can hear his spreading grin through the phone, "chillin' with Dad and Andy and Phil. Jilly I have to go, I have to call Josh about dinner."

"He's sleeping," she replied automatically looking at the sleeping form beside her.

"What?" She heard her father's hissing laughter in the background and Scotty's voice was distracted, "how do you know."

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. She banged her head against the pillow. Good work Jill, probably not the best way to reveal to your older overprotective brother that you're sleeping with his oldest and best friend.

"It's the middle of the night Scotty, everyone but you is sleeping," she held her breath, hoping he was distracted enough not to keep questioning her.

"OK sis, go back to sleep and I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you." She carefully pressed End and set her phone back on the nightstand.

"My brother is going to call you in about 30 seconds," she whispered and snuggled back against him.

2 and a half hours later she rolled out of bed. Silencing the alarm she pulled her oldest, most favorite jeans out of the laundry basket and pulled them on. She jammed her feet into flip-flops, pulled one of Josh's sweatshirts out of the dirty clothes and stumbled downstairs.

She was throwing an entire jar of peanut butter into her bag when he came into the kitchen.

"You can stay here and sleep Joshua, it's like 5:30 in the morning." An apple followed the peanut butter.

"I'll give you a ride in and then come back here and sleep. I have all day to sleep." He smirked, "maybe I'll finish the laundry too."

"How am I going to get home if you give me a ride," she threw in a Diet Coke, considered for a minute, and threw in a second.

"I'll come pick you up and we'll go to the party," she raised an eyebrow.

"We're testing the waters, maybe we won't come clean about everything." He shrugged. "But I'm partially responsible for your lack of sleep last night, so at least let me drive you." He pushed the hood of the sweatshirt back to kiss her softly.

"OK," she handed her car keys to him and walked into the garage.

"Oh, Josh, the lack of sleep thing," she kissed him and slipped into the passenger seat, , "it was worth it."


	5. Chapter 5

One thing Jill will never deny is that her family knows how to party. As Josh pulled into the driveway she knew there were kegs on the back porch and beer pong in the basement. The noise level indicated that because she and Josh were among the last to arrive the party was already in full swing.

In the dark of the car Josh threaded his fingers through her hair and pulled her mouth to his, taking one last kiss before they went inside.

They had decided not to tell anyone about the testing the waters project, halfway through her 12-hours in the NICU she realized that he's only going to be in Seattle for a month and a half and then it will be Opi season. She knew it was selfish, but she didn't want to share him when his leaving had such a firm end date.

They came in through the back door into the big, warmly lit kitchen full of women and chatter. "Baby J you made it!" a tall thin woman dressed in designer jeans and a fitted black t-shirt wrapped her arms around Jill and rocked back and forth.

"And you," she purred, reaching to wrap Josh in the same hug, "I can't believe you've been home for 24 hours and this is the first time you've darkened my doorway." Kissing his cheek noisily she laughed as the blush crawled up his cheeks. Kay Hillstrand had been one of the constants in Josh's life since forever, more of a mother figure than his own she had embraced both he and his brother as her own and had celebrated their triumphs and cuddled them in defeat, and Josh knew, could beat his butt without batting an eye.

"Hi Mama K," he returned the kiss and inhaled her signature scent. "Thanks for inviting me."

She laughed at that, throwing her head back like her daughter, the sound ringing through the kitchen. "You and I both know you've never needed an invitation in this house Joshua. Now," she squeezed Jill tight against her side and shooed him down the hall, "go downstairs and play with your little fisherman friends while we gossip in the kitchen."

Josh stole a wink at Jill as he left the kitchen. He descended the stairs to the den where he knew his father and brother would be camped out.

With butterflies in her stomach Jill smiled to herself and scooped 4-year old Logan Hansen up off the floor and smothered him in kisses.

"Hi kiddo," she buried her face in his belly and blew raspberries.

"Why oh why, can't you be our babysitter," Louise Hansen groaned, as Logan squealed with glee, "we just lost another one to college."

"I wish I could," Jill kissed Logan's blond hair and took the glass of wine her mom held out to her, "but work makes it so hard to have a life anyway, my social life is already practically nonexistent. I need a time machine."

"You and Janey made it up to Dutch I hear," Florence Colburn leaned against the island and sipped from her wine glass.

"That's the good thing about my job, well," she paused and shifted Logan to her other hip, "that and the babies. I'm working 6 on 9 off right now, which is awesome because it means that when your sister calls and says let's fly up to Alaska and see Dad all I really need is a plane ticket."

"And how are the babies," June Hansen snagged a piece of cheese from the cluster of plates on the island and popped it in her mouth.

"So good," Jill sighed. "One of mine went home today, it was awesome."

"I want better gossip than work," Kay grinned, "how was Dutch."

"Dutch was," Jill took a sip of her wine, "very Dutchy, cold, snowy, full of Hillstrand drinking escapades, including Uncle Andy and Mike getting into a tequila shot contest with Janey, which ended in me sleeping on the Cornelia because there was so much alcohol-induced snoring on the Time Bandit."

"I want to hear about family tattoo's," Louise raised an eyebrow over her glass.

"Family tattoo's?" June re-filled her glass and pointed at Jill with the now-empty bottle. "Whatever you do, don't show my girls, especially Mandy, she already loves you a ton. And the way things have been at home lately that one's going to be the death of me."

"Don't show Mandy what?" willowy and blond, Mandy Hansen appeared in the doorway and sank down on one of the stools that sat around the island. "Hi Jilly."

"Hi Mando," Jill set Logan down and wrapped an arm around Mandy's shoulders, "How's school?"

"I won't be distracted by school, I want to know what you aren't showing me."

"It's youngest child syndrome," Kay said to June, "Baby J was the same way, piercings, parties, she did it all and it didn't help that she had 2 crazy older brothers who were more than willing to take her along into whatever trouble they were getting into."

"It's not my fault Scotty and Josh dragged me along when they skipped school," Jill protested.

"You skipped SCHOOL," Mandy's eyes widened.

"It was a long time ago," Jill smiled, "I've mellowed since then."

"And it was a bad decision," June added, "and we're not talking about it anymore."

"So let's talk about piercings instead," Mandy grinned impishly.

"Just my belly button," Jill pulled her shirt up slightly to reveal the hoop, "and lucky for your mom I got that one when I was 19."

Downstairs Josh had found his place amongst the men, he flipped the recliner up on the leather couch and crossed his legs. Taking a long sip of his beer he smiled - he could basically live in this room with its wet bar and big screen TV. Listening to the discussion about sustainable fishing with half an ear he allowed his mind to drift back to Jill. He's not against secrets especially when it meant keeping Jill to himself for the month leading up to Opi's, but he knew that at some point he was going to have to tell Scotty what's going on with his sister.

He winced a little at the thought and took a deeper sip of beer. He remembered all to well the faces he's punched defending Jill and her older sister Janey. "Hillstrand's stick together" was a mantra in this family, and he and Scotty have been inseparable since they were four years old, which makes this all a little more complicated.

As he thought about complications the conversation around him shifted and soon enough they were talking about cars and he wasn't thinking about complications any more, because there's not much Josh liked more than cars.

JIll stood in the doorway for a minute and watched him, he was leaning forward on the couch gesturing with an empty beer bottle in his hand, he's so confident about the point he's making that he jabbed his finger in the air. She drifted a little, she's always had a thing for hands, and his hands are no exception, and now that she knows what they're capable of, she shut her eyes for a minute and shivered a little. The movement in the doorway caught Phil's eye and he winked and rattled his empty glass. Smiling knowingly she walked softly across the room and kissed his cheek when she grabbed his glass.

Once she started she spent 5 minutes refreshing and refilling glasses around the room. It shocked her a little that she knew without asking what each of them wanted, who liked an extra lime and who only wanted 3 ice cubes, who wanted beer in a bottle and who preferred a glass. The idiosyncrasies of these men who made up her extended family. She handed Josh a fresh beer and shivered when his fingers stroked across her hand.

"Mama says almost time for dinner," she wrapped an arm around her dad's shoulders and handed him his habitual 3-fingers of Crown.

Dinner came with added chaos, people piled plates with the food that covered the long dining room table and drifted back through the house to find spots to eat. Josh timed his next move carefully, though he was fully on board with secret keeping, that didn't mean he wanted to touch her any less. It just meant being a little sneakier about it.

Leaning against the door frame he watched as she worked through the room. When she was paused to talk to a group of people he made his way into the fray to bump against her and throw her off balance. She stumbled slightly and was quickly steadied by his hand catching her around the waist.

"Sorry," his voice rumbled low and close to her ear. "Crowded in here," she pushed back against him slightly when his beard tickled her neck and he brushed his thumb up under her shirt against her hipbone and without another word he melted back into the crowd.

After dinner the beer-pong tournament in the basement took center stage. Johnathan and Andy doubled over laughing on the old ratty couch when Scotty and Janey went toe to toe over the rules. Competition was sacred in the HIllstrand household whether it was crab fishing or beer pong.

As the yelling between her siblings escalated Jill collapsed on the couch next to Jake. "Hi Jakity,"

"Hey LJ," he turned his head on the back of the couch. "Enjoying the show?"

She grinned, "Never a dull moment when this family is around."

It was when Janey reached a hand above her head to smack Scotty that Johnathan bellowed for them to stop, the glimpse of black ink a reminder of the crazy thing his children had done.

"Now," Johnathan stepped in between his 2 oldest children, "stop trying to kill each other and show everyone just how deep your sibling love runs." He gestured at Scotty with his ice cube filled glass.

Scotty grinned and set his beer down on the table. Pulling up his pant leg to reveal a nautical star tattooed on the back of his calf. Knowing how the game was played, Janey was next, lifting her shirt slightly to show the same star tattooed just above her hip bone. Coming around the table to join his siblings Nicky was next, pulling up his sleeve to reveal the tattoo on his shoulder.

Finally, cursing under her breath, Jill pushed off the couch. Turning around she whipped her shirt up and over her head to reveal the tattoo between her shoulder blades. Blushing furiously she pulled her shirt back over her head, amid the cheers she heard Josh's distinct laugh.

The party slowed down a little after their revelation, people drifted toward home while others sat in smaller groups enjoying an after-dinner drink and conversation. Jill wandered through the crowd, stopping when people asked her about the tattoo, sharing the same information over and over again, Scotty's idea, hurt like hell, had to get it somewhere that it didn't show up when she wore scrubs.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Josh disappear out the door onto the patio to smoke and she started thinking about how to follow. Her fingers itched to touch him, when they're at her house, as they've been for most of the last day, she's allowed to touch him all she wants, when she came home from work he was wandering around her house in nothing but a pair of jeans and she spent some quality time touching everything she wanted. Watching his now, knowing she can't touch, drove her crazy.

She excused herself to go to the bathroom walking a little further to the bathroom off her parents bedroom. Once there she snuck quietly out the patio doors. Her heart pounded a little at the risk as she skirted the bright lights of the house and looked for him. Down the hill a little from the patio the lawn chairs were set around the fire pit and she saw the flare of a lighter, the rise of pale white smoke. Listening carefully to be sure he was alone she walked quietly through the grass, he met her eyes as she approached and smiled. The little half grin that's been teasing his lips all night, the secret smile that's equal parts holy-shit-I-can't-believe-we're-doing-this and I-can't-wait-to-do-it-again.

He stubbed out his cigarette as she straddled him in the chair, weaving her hands through his hair she pulled his mouth to hers and simply takes. She's been thinking about his mouth all night, about his lips under hers and his tongue touching hers and when she drops her head to run open mouthed kisses down his neck he laughs, low and gravelly, his heavy hands dropping to her hips.

"How did I not know that you got inked," he groaned as she caught his earlobe in her teeth. "It's so fucking sexy," he ran his hands up her back under her shirt tracing the design he now knew was there and she shivered at his touch.

"It's not like you've been spending that much time exploring my naked body," she ran her tongue around the shell of his ear. "Only really like a day."

"I've spent some quality time thinking about it," she pulled back at his quiet revelation and he caught her lips with his again. "And now that I've seen that, you better believe I'm going to be spending some time going over every single inch." He punctuated his statement with a steamy kiss.

Josh walked through the darkness and back into the abandoned kitchen. He'd left Jill at the crest of the hill to sneak back through her parents bedroom. Wandering through the house he found his father, Andy and Johnathan back in the den investigating the remaining contents of the liquor cabinet.

"Hey, where have you been," Andy pointed drunkenly at Josh.

"Just out back having a smoke buddy," Josh grinned easily, slipping into the lie like soft and comfortable t-shirt.

"That's what I thought," Andy nudged Phil with an elbow, "you said he wasn't out there."

"That's not what I said," Phil reached deep into the cabinet to pull out a bottle of Wild Turkey, "I said it was rainy and cold."

Straightening with the bottle in his hand Phil caught Josh's eye. A cigar clenched in his jaw, his cheeks spread into a shit-eating grin that told Josh his father knew exactly where he'd been and exactly who he had been with.

_AN ~ big thanks to JakeHarrisLover for talking me off the ledge on this one._


	6. Chapter 6

Josh pulled in next to his dad's truck, he smiled slightly at the little old lady who lived next door and pulled his collar up against the winter rain.

"Takes you 4 days to come out here," Phil leaned against the doorway, barefoot, arms crossed across his chest, wearing sweatpants and a cutoff t-shirt despite the cold, wet, chill in the air. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Jill's," Josh shrugged mounting the stairs to follow his dad into the spacious trailer.

"What have you been doing."

Josh pulled a can of pop from the fridge and kicked off his shoes, "Really want the answer to that," he grinned dropping into the corner of the couch.

Phil chuckled, "probably not."

"I could tell you," Josh propped a socked foot on the table and gestured with his can, "but she's always been your favorite, so you'd probably kill me."

"She is my favorite," Phil smiled, "how long have you been chasing her."

"Maybe she's chasing me," Josh grinned impishly.

"Not fucking likely," Phil shoved out of his chair and pulled a bag of chips out of the cupboard.

"Seriously," Josh sunk further back into the cushions, "about a week. But honestly, I've been trying to figure out how to do it since July, maybe longer."

"Fourth," Phil shook the bag at him , "white bikini, short jean skirt, shit you're so easy."

"It's more than that though," Josh reached for a chip, "she's so fucking beautiful, no joke, I mean we all saw the white bikini and can't deny that. But I've known her all my life, and that really adds to it. I don't have to explain the job, explain the life, she already knows all that. She knows my shit, you know, I mean hell she's been there for most of my shit. And she's smart, and caring and happy and she listens and doesn't pull any punches when she thinks I'm being an ass. But I've always known that Jill, but dating her," he paused, "now there's another whole piece, when she cares about you it's, it's like finding a hundred dollar bill in the pocket of a jacket you haven't worn in years. It's already awesome, but that extra surprise, makes it infinitely awesomer."

"Just how deep are you in this," Phil raised an eyebrow. Josh shrugged again, the loose gesture his dad knew he used to buy time while he considered how to answer.

"I've always, stopped, held back when it came to her. You know how her brothers are with guys she dates. I figured that my friendship with Scotty wasn't worth the risk."

"And now,"

"She's worth the risk," Josh shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Worried her brothers are going to murder you?"

"Basically," Josh closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the couch, "worried about Jake too, her dad, her uncles, shit, I'm worried about all of it. Messing it up. I'm shit for relationships, you know that. I don't want to mess this one up Pops."

"So don't," Phil said simply, "listen, Josh, you're one of the most stubborn, pain in the ass, hard-headed people I know, you're always trying to prove something to someone. If you want this, want her, you'll make it happen." Phil reached for the remote, aimed it at the TV.

"You should come out with us tonight," hair wet and spiky from the shower they had just shared Josh pulled on a pair of jeans while Jill dug through her underwear drawer. "It's all people you know. Your brothers are both going to be there, Jake's going to be there, shit if we worked it right Anderson might even come down for the night. And," He winked, "maybe I'll get drunk and let you take advantage of me."

"Tempting as that offer is," pulling on a bright blue bra Jill raised an eyebrow, "I have plans."

"Liar," he met her lips with a smile.

"I do," She protested, stepping into a pair of jeans as he disappeared into the bathroom, "I'm going out."

"With who," he eyed her suspiciously through the door.

"Your dad, idiot," she flung herself back on the bed, "he was supposed to call and tell you that. He's taking me to dinner because he says you've been monopolizing me."

"I like monopolizing you," sitting on the edge of the bed Josh rolled her over and pulled her against his bare chest. "It's one of my favorite hobbies."

"I like being monopolized," she grinned and lifted her mouth to meet his. They were interrupted by his phone buzzing across the nightstand.

"Hey bro," Josh stroked his hand across Jill's back as he talked to Scotty. "Nah, I'm already out doing a couple of things so I'll just meet you guys and then we'll party like rock stars." He pouted when Jill rolled out from under his hand then grinned at whatever Scotty said, "That's right buddy. OK bro, I'll see you in a bit."

Tossing his phone on the bed he walked back toward the closet, "Don't wear the blue shirt with the white collar," she called from the bathroom, "I hate that shirt."

"I had no idea you had such strong feelings about my clothes," he pulled on a white t-shirt and grabbed a black button-down off the hanger.

"I mostly have strong feelings about you not wearing any clothes," she grinned at him in the bathroom mirror.

"It's a good thing I already had my wicked way with you in the shower," he wrapped his arms around her bare stomach and kissed her shoulder, "because comments like that are a good way for you to find yourself flat on your back."

"Promises, promises," she leaned back against him and grinned at their reflection in the mirror. "I'll probably be home way before you, so call me when you need a ride."

"Thanks gorgeous," he pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "Have fun with the old man tonight."

Jill groaned and pushed her plate away, "I love this place, but I am seriously so full," she sipped her wine, "I can't even imagine eating another bite."

"Let's go for a drive," Phil reached a hand across the table, "unless you have somewhere to be."

"My somewhere else to be is out with the boys," she grinned, "let's go drive fast."

She couldn't suppress the giggles as she settled back against the heated seat.

"Are you laughing at Jimmy Buffett," Phil's eyes sparkled as he rested his hand on the gearshift.

"I just, can't stop thinking about what a riddle you are, big tough guy, fast car, super cranky exterior, boat captain, TV star who's always yelling at his kids, and yet, here you are, listening to Jimmy Buffett, taking your son's girlfriend out to dinner. You're a puzzle aren't you."

"Damn right," Phil grumbled, turning up the music and pressing his foot on the gas.

They were in South Everett headed back toward her house when her phone rang.''Hi Jakity," she reached to turn down the music and held the phone tightly against her ear. "You're where," she strained to hear him against the bar noise. "Yea, I'll come get you. But it's going to be a while, we drove up North so I'm not even home yet."

"Just tell him I'll pick he and Nick and Scott up and take them home. You can drive Joshua and his car since I'm sure none of their asses can drive." Phil downshifted through traffic while she relayed the message. Glancing over at the passenger seat he checked to be sure she'd hung up the phone, "that way you can take him home but keep your secret safe."

Jake Anderson was drunk, but that didn't mean that he didn't notice when Jill pulled the garage door opener from the center console of Josh's car. "Wait," he stuttered from the backseat. "Why does this car have a garage door opener for your house. Josh doesn't live here. Are you," he leaned between the seats to look accusingly at Josh, "are you shacking up with LJ?"

"Dude, basically yes, " Josh staggered as he stepped out of the car, "can't tell, because it's a secret. We're going to tell everyone later, but not before Opi's, so you can't tell."

"C'mon drunk boys," Jill unlocked the door and guided them through the kitchen, "let's put your asses to bed."

"Thanks for picking me up LJ," in her guest room Jake accepted the Gatorade, kicked off his jeans and crawled under the covers. "And don't worry," he mumbled, "I'll keep your secret."

"I know honey," she kissed his forehead and turned off the light, "we'll go get hangover food in the morning."

Jill brought the second Gatorade into the master bedroom where Josh was laying diagonally across the bed. "Hi sweetheart," she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Hi J," he wrapped an arm around her and rested a foot on the floor, "having a little room spinning problem."

"You know what I've heard helps with that," she sat up and pulled her shirt over her head, "Someone told me that sex is a really good room spin cure."

"Well," he reared up to take a nipple in his mouth, her hands running through his hair, "if that's what I have to do. I guess that's what I have to do."

She moaned quietly as his teeth nipped at her breast. He knew now what made her moan, what made her sigh, the secrets to the body that often drove him crazy.

Running his lips across her stomach he grinned as she unbuttoned his jeans. Pulling his shirt over his head she laughed when she dislodged his lips from her body, "it's dangerous for me to watch you get dressed," she said lowly, stroking her hands across his shoulders, "because it makes me spend a lot of time thinking about exactly what you're wearing, and exactly how I want to take those clothes off."

"I like when you take my clothes off," he peeled her jeans off. "And I like taking your clothes off. and I like knowing what you have on under your clothes."

"You're talking a lot," she whispered as he slid her thong down her legs.

"Can't help it," his lips quirked, "I'm a drunk talker." he flipped her onto her back and brushed her hair back from her face.

"There it is," he smiled as he sunk into warm heat "my girl."

"God Josh," she buried her head against his neck, "you can't say things like that to me and expect me to hold it together."

"Who needs you to hold it together," he braced his legs against the floor to add more leverage to his trusts. "There's nothing I love more than watching you shatter around me, to watch your eyes blur and hear you say my name. It's fucking awesome Jill, to know that I do that to you, to know that I'm the one who can make you come apart."

She gasped as he kept talking while he reached between them to circle her clit, "all fucking night baby, all night I thought about this, thought about getting home, getting in you, feeling you fall apart around me, knowing that I can make you shatter."

Sinking her teeth into his shoulder she did just that, the fluttering of her release made him frantic, the moan ripped from his chest almost before he knew it, "c'mon baby," she picked up where he had left off, "Josh you're so close, just let go baby," she tightened around him as he arched against her, "so close, so close, so close," she chanted until he buried himself in her and exploded.

Sliding up and under the covers he pulled her against him, kissed the tender spot where her neck met her shoulders and closed his eyes, "that's probably the best cure I've ever heard for room spins."

His dad knew where they were, as far as everyone else was concerned he was doing whatever last minute things he did to get ready to leave for Opis and she was working her ass off at the hospital. But in truth they'd barely left these four bedroom walls in the last 3 days.

They've been having a lot of sex. Sex felt like the one thing she had control of, the one way she could convey just how emotional she was about him leaving. When words failed her she had to show him, to pour every tear she'd cried into the kisses she pressed along his biceps, every laugh they'd shared in the electric touch of her fingertips. She felt like she was trying to absorb him, to pull him so deeply into her that she'd never be without him again.

He didn't ask how many strings she'd pulled to be off work these last few days. He knew she'd pay the price once he was gone but buried under the covers, in what after a month and a half he'd started to think of as their bedroom. He was too busy drowning in her, too busy memorizing every piece of her body, tracing his hands over her, because he wanted to remember, to be able to conjure her voice, her laugh, her warm skin against his on the nights when this room felt a million miles away.

"I'm going to miss you Yoshi," in the darkness the morning before his flight to Dutch she whispered the childhood nickname against the ticklish spot behind his ear. The silly name he hadn't been called in years brought unexpected tears to his eyes, he pulled her against him, wrapped his arms around her and held on.


	7. Chapter 7

It's the fourth day that's the worst.

Jill has known this her whole life, the knowledge acquired over a lifetime of being a fisherman's daughter. The process starts when they actually leave Dutch, because when they're still at the docks there's at least spotty cell phone service, and really you could jump on a plane and be there in a day, that doesn't ever happen, but there's a measure of comfort in knowing the option is there.

The first day after they leave Dutch for fishing is horrible, but you've been anticipating horrible so it's almost not as bad, when all you want to do is crawl in bed and cry, it just meets expectations. Days 2 and 3 are bad because of the emptiness, you're acutely aware of the fact that you can't just pick up the phone, the plane ride would be worthless and the house is so empty it feels like your thoughts echo against the walls.

But it's day 4, the day you pull yourself up and out of bed and have to start to live again, that's the worst. After 3 days of not being able to think of anything except how you're going to survive this, it's almost a relief to have something else to think about. But as soon as you start thinking of something else, about living, you get kicked in the face by something. It's that unexpected pain that sucks the most, she gets all the way to his voice-mail twice before she remembers why he isn't answering the phone.

But as time went by Jill really did start to adjust, she worked even longer hours without feeling guilty, because Josh isn't hanging out waiting for her to come home. She went cleaning crazy on her days off, organizing the closet in the master bedroom, filling the trunk of her Subaru with clothes to donate to St Vincent de Paul. She had girls' night with her mom and sister, pedicures and movies that make them all cry.

Sometimes they get together for dinner or shopping with all the wives and kids who live close. Having a touch-point with people who understand exactly what's going on seems to make it easier. In passing they call themselves a survivors club, but mostly they take advantage of the time to be distracted. Time to be with people who understand exactly how you're feeling, where they talk about anything but fishing and their noticeably absent husbands, fathers and brothers and secret boyfriends.

She can't help thinking that maybe the only reason that she's good at this is because they managed to keep their relationship a secret for a month and a half. No one knows she has any boyfriend, and certainly no one suspected that in the last 2 months she's somehow managed to fall in love with Josh Harris. So when she's sad everyone assumed she's missing her dad, or her brothers and she let them. That way no one asked any questions and she doesn't have to deal with the task of coming up with an answer.

And the truth is she really was not that good at it, she didn't want to answer questions because a lot of the time she's barely hanging on to her emotions and the tenuous hold she had on the secret won't last forever. To maintain her sanity she buried it in work, goes for long solitary runs in the rain, listened to an iPod playlist aptly named "the most depressing songs in the history of ever" and watched a lot of _Private Practice_ with a glass of red wine. She pulled doubles at the hospital as often as they let her and took a temporary assignment as a scrub nurse for a neonatal cardiologist. Because doing baby heart surgery is complicated and that means there's no room for having any emotions much less thinking about anything but the task at hand.

But in between she just really fucking aches for him.

As far as phone calls are concerned they have a system, she can't carry her phone around when she's shuffling between the NICU and the operating room so they have to work to sync up their schedules. Usually she leaves herself a voicemail with her schedule on it and when he calls and she doesn't answer he checks her messages and figures out when she'll be home. Phil helps out too; after Josh accidentally left the half sheet of notebook paper with her schedule scribbled on it in the wheelhouse he ended up with a really well-timed wheel watches and the old man had a little twinkle in his eye.

When they're lucky they talk twice a week.

She tried to lace as much joy and happiness and warmth into their conversations as she can, she makes notes on scraps of paper about things to tell him, saving all the funny stories she can, because she can't handle silence over something close to 4,000 miles. She saved up all her energy for his phone calls, because it takes every ounce of energy she had not to cry as soon as she hears his voice, she makes jokes about needing him to come home to kill spiders and bait mouse traps and take out the trash because otherwise she'll just tell him over and over again how much she misses him, how badly she wants him to come home, how badly she wants him next to her forever.

She almost says "I love you" every time they hang up, but the thought that he might not say it back always held her back.

She started wearing the ring when it's been 2 weeks since she's heard from him. It's normal, they're way up north and there's something about the satellite phone and the angles and the time of day and she really isn't worried, but just recently she's achieved a kind of shaky balance between missing him and making it through the day so the prolonged silence of her phone threw her right back into the limbo of trying not to fall.

It's a simple silver band that he wore sometimes. Since he left it's been with his watch in a little dish next to the second sink in her bathroom, his sink really, because if she was honest they were living together, are living together. His car is parked next to hers in the garage, his clothes are hanging next to hers in the closet and his shampoo sits next to her body wash in the shower. Little pieces of him left laying around in hopes of reminding herself that she didn't imagine it, he was here, he was with her and he's coming back to her.

The ring only fit her thumb and she liked it because it's something solid for her hands to do when she's distractedly thinking of him. She clicked it against the counter while she's charting at work, smiled when it caught the sunlight when she's driving, worried her fingers over it when she's stressed.

The fishing was just OK and the weather was just as snotty as it always was. As the season goes on he got more and more tired, his mind ran on auto-pilot, bait pots, set pots, nap between strings, pull pots, sort crab and then start all over again. His body felt broken, tired, used. Josh wondered if this is what it felt like to get old. What it felt like to finally have your body just fall right out from under you.

Something about the cold and pulling more empty pots than half full pots and missing Jill made him snap at Jake even more than normal. When he took a swing at his brother after Jake called him a "PMS-ing little bitch," Josh caught the old man looking at him like he's considering the idea of finishing the season with duct tape permanently over both he and Jake's mouths.

Before he left he was prepared to miss her, but it turned out he wasn't as prepared as he'd expected. His heart hurt, he's always thought that was a stupid thing to say but there really was a little spot of pain between his ribs right below his heart, like he'd run too fast or twisted wrong or lifted something too heavy. For the most part he dealt with it, god knows there's enough to think about on deck that he can't spend a lot of time thinking about how he didn't expect missing her to manifest into actual physical pain. Sometimes it's just a dull ache, a reminder that there's someone waiting at home for him and other times it's so raw, so searing he can hardly stand up straight, but one way or another it never goes away.

Every time he called her it was like 20 minutes of vacation. He tried not to look forward to it too much but that's a joke, it's the best part of what is otherwise the world's longest, shittiest Monday. Every time he dragged his bony ass up the stairs and into the captain's chair that's really only made for his dad's ass, her laughter soaked into his bones like warmth, like home. In between those times he tried to carry that feeling with him, storing it for the times when they've been up for 30 hours and the cold and the wet is seeping through layers toward skin so he can wrap her happiness around him like armor against the daily grind.

When they're finally done, the quota finally filled and off-loaded, he was almost too tired to be happy.

But he's been doing this for long enough to know that finishing the off-load doesn't really mean done on the boat. There was still a list of chores as long as his arm to do before they could even think about driving to the airport and even getting to the airport was still at least a day of flying away from actually being home.

Flying out of Dutch is always a crapshoot, when they're lucky there are 4 flights a day. But depending on the weather sometimes they've been stranded for days with nothing to do but drink and kick around the boat with all the other people who are trying to get to somewhere else.

This time they're lucky, making it out on the 2 pm flight packed with fisherman done for the season. Anchorage is better, it's a bigger airport, there are more flights and bars and there's coffee and reliable cell phone coverage and McDonald's.

They're not booked on a flight to Seattle until the next afternoon and after weeks of togetherness the guys all went their separate ways for at least a couple of hours. Josh sighed with relief when Jake hooked up with a couple of guys from one of the other boats and grabbed a motel room for the night, showers and a night of drinking on the agenda, he loves his brother, but he needed a break.

Phil was hunkered down with Sig and Keith in a dimly lit corner booth at the airport bar to discuss what Josh could only imagine was very important captain business, most likely his dad bitching about shitty January weather, his worthless sons and their inability to get along even for just one damn second.

Far away from the rush, Josh slouched in an uncomfortable plastic airport chair and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He pushed a series of a buttons to check his messages. Leaning his head against the grimy airport window he grinned when Jill's breathlessly excited voice came through the phone. "Hi babe, it's me, but you knew that already. I'm at work but I just snuck into the bathroom to check my messages for the hundredth time and you're coming home! I'm working 18 hours today, so I won't be home from work until probably 1 or 2 tonight. Then I'm going to pass out because I've worked something like 60 hours this week but I have 9 days off now and by the time I wake up you'll practically be here!" She paused for a minute and finished quietly, "Hurry home Joshua, I miss you."

Josh shoved his phone back in his jacket pocket and rubbed the back of his neck. Resting his elbows on his knees he considered his options, find somewhere to shower, take a nap, maybe find some buddies and hit some bars or find a way to get home a little quicker. Standing up quickly he walked back to the Alaska Airlines counter. He flashed a grin at the harried looking agent and asked to be put on the stand-by list. She tried to talk him out of it, the flights were mostly full and even if he got on a flight his luggage was still going to be on his later flight. With Jill's voice ringing in his ears he told the gate agent that was no big deal and headed back in to wait at the gate.

"Hey I'm going to try to get home on an earlier flight," dipping his hands into his pockets he stood in front of Phil's empty glass-filled table. "Can you grab my bag if I'm not on your flight?"

"OK," Phil replied absently, lifting his glass to his lips. "Where'd your brother get off to."

"I think he's with some guys, something about showers and then maybe going downtown for the night."

"Probably fuckin' end up in jail, that one."

Josh shrugged, because that's pretty true, and clapped his dad on the shoulder, "I'll call you if I get on an earlier flight. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." His dad and the other captains guffawed as he walked away.

He jammed his earbuds in and leaned his head against the window, grateful for silence, for going home, for not being trapped on a boat in the middle of the ocean with 5 guys who he loves, but seriously could do without seeing for at least a day and probably more like a month.

He was half asleep when they paged him for the 10 pm flight, "Alaska Airlines paging passenger Harris, passenger Joshua Harris."

He called his dad and left a quick message with his flight information and reminding him to grab his duffel since he wouldn't be on the flight. On the plane he buckled his seat belt and tried to tamp down on the excitement fluttering in his belly. He rested his head against the window and didn't wake up until the plane was landing in a rainy Seattle.

He paid the cab and pulled his keys out of his pocket. She'd given him a key not long after the party at her parents' house, leaving it on the counter next to an extra garage door opener and a yellow post-it with a heart on it. Looking up the deserted suburban street he jogged through a light rain toward her front door . Standing in the darkness of her doorstep he was thankful that she hadn't left the porch light on, her neighbors were nice, but people were invariably suspicious of a guy in a stocking cap with 3 weeks of stubble on his cheeks and a key, especially at 3 a.m.

He kicked his shoes off just inside the door and took the steps 2 at a time toward the bedroom.

She was asleep, curled around a pillow, her tiny frame drowning in one of his cut-off Cornelia Marie crew t-shirts. He stood at the foot of her bed for a minute, just looking at her, and soaking in the quiet, because it's never quiet on the boat, he can sleep through damn near anything because there's always the hum of diesel exhaust through the hull and when they're working there's music to keep them awake and when they finally do sleep there's usually some sort of bass pumping so his dad can stay awake to drive the boat.

He slid his jeans down his legs and yanked his hoodie over his head, anxious now for sleep, to fall into bed next to her and sleep for at least a week straight. Pulling the covers back he slipped in beside her, finally home.

Her mind registered the shift in the bed, the warm body spooning against her, strong arms wrapping around her. She'd had this dream intermittently the entire time he's been gone and it always felt so real and so comfortable that waking up in the morning often resulted in frustrated tears. She tried to fight through the layers of sleep back into reality hoping to stave off the sadness. When the mists failed to clear she gave in and snuggled back against him.

"Mmmmmmmm Josh." She laced her fingers with his.

"Shhhhhhhh Jilly-bean, it's late, go back to sleep," he kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear and shut his eyes.

"Why are you home," she mumbled, "you're coming home tomorrow, I have to go grocery shopping and make dinner, and shave my legs and clean the bathrooms and wear something cute."

"I caught an early flight," he adjusted the pillows, pulled the comforter up to his chin, "I wanted to get home."

"I'm so glad you're home," her voice trailed off, "I missed you."

"I missed you Jilly-B, a ton." He pulled her closer, relished her smooth skin against his and relaxed into the smooth cool pillows and the scent of clean sheets.

"Tomorrow," he was almost asleep when her voice whispered through the darkness, "When this turns out to be a dream," she curled tighter against his body, "I'm going to be so pissed."

His smile lit the night.


	8. Chapter 8

_Creation of this chapter was fueled by really cheesy classic rock and this semi-awesome-semi-hilarious picture [.com/images01/108/l_] from AleutianStorm . . . thanks for all the reviews y'all they make me smile._

She dreamed of him. The fanciful side of her brain embraced the dream, relished the strength of being wrapped into his arms, his body solid against her back. The logical side of her brain fought for clarity, reminders escaping to fall apart in the comforting darkness. The two sides pulled against each other, one side begging for just a little longer, five more minutes of comfort before it was ripped away again. The other side begging for less, to not have to put the pieces together after falling apart again.

Everything changed as she struggled awake, the warmth didn't fade, the arm really was wrapped around her. The last whispers of dream faded as she picked out the details, the hand that snaked under her t-shirt and cupped her breast loosely, possessively, like he needed to hold on to be sure she didn't go anywhere, one of his legs bent to tangle between hers while the other stretched out straight his foot hooked over the end of the mattress, his breathing was deep, his chest rising and falling against her back, lulling her back to sleep.

_I missed you, I can't believe you're home._

She wasn't surprised he was home the next time she woke up. Her subconscious seemed to be ahead of her brain in that respect. For a long minute she floated just on the edge of consciousness, too awake to sleep, too asleep to wake. She drifted in that moment, completely at peace. Completely happy. Settled in his arms with the rain beating a soothing rhythm on the roof, watching as the grey morning light cast rain speckled shadows across the wall.

She slid her arm carefully out from under his, turned slowly in his arms. His hand flexed as she slid her body out of his grip and she paused, laid still for a minute while he muttered and shifted against her, his arm curled around her waist, his long fingers splayed across her back.

Drawing a deep breath she pressed a kiss just below his jaw and swore as tears pricked her eyes. Her breath shook as she relaxed against him, drawing calm from the heavy warmth of his body. She rested her head against the curve of his neck, burying her face until all she could smell was him, all she could feel was him.

His pulse beat strong and steady against her cheek and her breath slowed to match his.

_I missed you, I can't believe you're home._

Moving slowly she pulled her head back to rest on the pillow. In the misty morning light she took the opportunity just to look at him, to relearn the face she's been missing since the minute he left. His hair fell across his forehead, tousled by sleep and the hat he'd no doubt been wearing almost non-stop. His lashes fluttered against his cheeks, the dark circles under his sunken eyes a testament to the amount of sleep he hasn't been getting.

He hadn't shaved, probably since the last day he was home, running the razor quickly over his skin while she sat cross-legged on the toilet unwilling to be separated even for 5 minutes. In the weeks that he was gone the stubble had filled in around his cheeks and neck, she shuddered thinking of the friction of open-mouthed kisses along her neck and shoulder, one of his favorite ways to make her squeal.

She knew without looking that his hands would be rough from sea water and unrelenting cold. His hands would bear new cuts and calluses, some half-healed some fresh, his long fingers marred by jammed and swollen knuckles.

His shoulders bore the white skin of a permanent farmers tan, the muscles were well-defined, begging to lift her over him, settle her easily on top of him. She shivered imagining his strength, later, when he was awake, she'd run her tongue along the lines of definition, dip it in the hollow of his collarbone, worship the body she was blatantly objectifying while he slept.

The well-defined planes of his chest were stained with bruises, battle scars from weeks of hard work. His flat stomach was covered in a thin layer of hair, her fingers itched to run through it, to lay her hand flat against his warm skin and slide her hand down his stomach to where boxers rode low on his hips, his hip bones more prominent now than the last time she saw him. The crease just below his hip bone begging for her mouth, to run her tongue along that line that when sucked could coerce a low and tingling moan from him every time. The strong muscles of his thighs that would ripple and dance when her mouth was on him.

Her perusal was interrupted when he shifted, his arm tightened around her, pulling her close, shifting the puzzle pieces of their bodies until her head was tucked under his chin, his leg squeezed between hers, his hand sliding further under the t-shirt to rest in the small of her back.

Her palms itched to touch him, to smooth her hands over his body until the heat of his skin chased away the cold and the loneliness of the past month, until she could be absolutely sure that he was really home. Sliding a hand around his waist she contented with spreading her fingers wide and flat against his back. Burrowing her head back against his neck her tongue darted out to taste the salt of his neck, the heady combination of sweat and sea spray that saturated his skin.

_I missed you, I can't believe you're home._

She was pressing kisses in the hollow of his collarbone, along the roping muscles of his neck when he stirred. She rested her head against his bicep, waited for his breathing to slow and even again. He needed sleep, she knew, as much as she wanted to wake him up and talk his ear off for the next 9 days, she'd get her chance. When he finally woke up.

When she was sure he was back to sleep, his face innocent and vulnerable she couldn't resist. She rubbed her nose along his jaw, the friction of his beard tickled against her nose while she dropped kisses along the tender white skin of the underside of his chin.

She moved to running kisses across his chest, her lips soft against his warm skin, her nose buried in the wirey hair of his chest. She squeaked in shock when he tightened his arm around her and rolled her onto her back his lips on hers in an instant.

His lips were gentle against hers, lazy almost as his hand threaded through her hair and held her against him. When she opened her mouth in invitation he pulled her tighter against him, his hand resting on her waist, his thumb teasing circles on the soft skin of her stomach while he plundered her mouth.

She ran her hands along his arms, shaping the muscles that shifted under her light touch, dipping her hands to his waist to pull him against her then running them up his warm back. His hands slid up under her t-shirt to find her warm breast, to tease her nipple to an almost embarrassingly sharp point. She ran her hands back down and over his ass, grinning at his groan when she pulled him tight against her, kissing him harder when his pelvis thrust against her.

His hands slid her underwear off, she bent her knees to kick them over the edge of the bed. Bucking against him she made a frustrated noise against his still-busy mouth when he slid one long finger down and into her folds.

She rested her head against his neck when he thrust his fingers slowly inside her, bit her lip when he away to watch his hand on her as he expertly ran the pad of his thumb lightly alongside her clit. His quietly intense eyes rested on her and she laced her fingers with his free hand, arching when he added a second finger, whispering something that was supposed to be his name. But the words stuck in her throat as he twisted and curved his fingers inside her and her body shook with pleasure, the waves of her orgasm swept through her to lap against her heart.

_I missed you, I can't believe you're home._

She drew on superhuman strength and pulled him onto her, hooked his boxers with her toes and shoved. His lips quirked just slightly, bending to kiss her lips softly as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear. She tilted her pelvis up and her breath hissed as he sunk into her. Her hand cupped the back of his neck, rubbing the soft, short hairs while she drew deep sobbing breaths his face buried in the pillow while she stretched around him.

Drawing back to look at her he moved slowly, languorous deep strokes that had the pressure in her belly building slowly. She pushed up off the bed to wrap her arms around his neck, to draw his lips back to hers. Her pliant body draped against his pulling him impossibly deeper. When her teeth scraped against his lower lip his breath caught. She lifted a hand to run through his hair, her nails scraping against his scalp while she moaned against his lips. Her body was soft and warm with sleep and when she pressed against him his will shredded and he broke, thrusting erratically when she hooked a foot behind his knee and arched against him, the low hoarse moan that vibrated against her neck enough to drag her over the edge alongside him.

She fell backwards, pulled him with her, the weight of his body pressing her into the mattress until she could barely breathe. Still she held him tight against her, fingers digging tightly into his sides as tears filled her throat. When he felt her shaky breath, heard her choke back a sob, wrapped his arms tightly around her and rolled sideways and tucking her against his side held her while she cried. Running his hands through her hair he pressed his lips to her forehead while the tears pooled on his skin.

There was indescribable relief in releasing the dam of tears, the thousands of emotions she had held back from everyone, had managed to ruthlessly reign in while she was in public, spilled out against his strong shoulder. The weight of distance, of secrets, lifted off her heart like fog, drifting silently away to be replaced with sunshine.

When he felt the shaking of her body slow his hands cupped her face and he gently kissed the trails of tears on her cheeks. When he pulled back to look into her eyes her tear-soaked voice cracked as her lips met his.

"I missed you, I can't believe you're home."


	9. Chapter 9

He hasn't told Scotty. The agreement is that he's going to tell Scotty and then they're going to go public with the whole thing. But Scotty needs to know first, and after what probably could be categorized as their first real fight, it's been determined that telling Scotty is on him.

Now that he was back she's so conscious of what she has, of having him around. She knew she'd never taken him for granted, but him being gone and subsequently coming back guarantees that she never will. Especially after he killed a giant hairy spider in the bathtub at 4:30 in the morning and then walked back to sprawl out on the bed. She stops for a minute just to ogle his prone form, his boxers riding low on his hips. In addition to the dead arachnids and the ogling, there's just being together, making up for lost time, sometimes they stay up all night just talking, and yea, it's corny and maybe a little insane with her work schedule and the sleep-deprivation he endured during Opies, but it suddenly feels like they have so much to say to each other. And honestly, they spend a fair amount of time making out like a couple of teenagers which she's pretty sure is equal parts hilarious and super sappy.

And that was how Scotty found out.

They were at the Hillstrand's again for what she supposed would be defined as a giant and racorous 'family' dinner, all 8 Harris' and Hillstrand's were sitting around the table. A giant pot of spaghetti, bowls piled with salad, acres and acres of garlic bread and just the good fun that comes from having 2 families that have always been together, back together.

After dinner the kids cleared the table, despite the fact that the "kids" were now in their 20's. Something that had started a hundred years ago, no doubt to teach them responsibility and to clean up after themselves, now was just a habit none of them could get out of. While Phil, Johnathan and Kay reclined in the family room with after dinner drinks and the laughter that comes from a lifetime of friendship they got down to business. Janey and Nick cleared the table while Jill and Josh loaded the dishwasher and Scotty and Jake put the food away.

Jill grumbled, because of course loading the dishwasher was the most labor intensive, there were things to wash by hand, the fragile geometry loading all of the dishes into the dishwasher and the fact that their task just took the longest. But that was OK, because when they were done Josh pressed his lips to hers, just a second as they stood side by side in front of the sink.

She tunneled her fingers into his hair, pulled his lips back to hers, not satisfied with a quick brush of their lips. He groaned and pulled her closer, impossibly tighter, because he felt the same, like there could never be enough kisses to fill the time they'd lost.

His grip tightened around her when she rested her forehead against his chest, her hands slipped to hook his belt loops. It's the sigh that gets him though, she's a sigh-er, at night when they curl up to sleep she sighs against the side of his neck, when he hugs her she sighs, when he kisses her she sighs. So when she sighed against him he lets go to tilt her face back up to his. Her hands rested against his biceps and even though they've been doing this for four months it still feels like the first time.

She opened her mouth against his, forgetting the secret for a minute because he hasn't been back for long enough to make the chills stop when his hands brush against her bare skin.

"Hey bro, want to go," Scotty's voice trailed off as he took in the scene in the now-clean kitchen. His baby sister leaned against the dishwasher kissing his best friend.

"Shit," Jill muttered under her breath as she looked from Scotty to Josh. "Scotty," she started, stopped as he put up a hand to silence her.

Scotty's voice was coldly flat when he spoke again, "I guess this explains where you've been lately."

"Scotty," Jill started again, but he bent his head and shook a hand at her.

"Not now Jill," he lifted his head to meet Josh's eyes for a minute before he shoved his hands deep in his pockets and slammed out the back door.

Jill felt like the world was spinning slowly off its axis. Her ears rang as the door slammed, her eyes filled with tears,, she and Josh stood in shock for a minute, his hand ran up and down her arm hoping to calm her as much as to calm himself. He took a deep breath and rested his lips against her forehead.

"I have to go talk to him,"

"I know," she swallowed the lump in her throat, "I'm sorry, it's me he should be mad at, the secret was my idea."

"He shouldn't be mad at either of us, but he's going to be an ass about this," Josh shrugged, "and he's not mad about the secret as he is that I'm putting my hands on his precious baby sister."

Josh let his hands shake a little as he walked toward the detached garage that sat just back from the house. He's tried to tell Scotty that he's dating Jill about 5 times in the week he's been home he just can't figure out how to form the words. How do you tell your best friend you're in love with his baby sister, when you haven't even been able to tell her yet.

Knowing he'd find Scotty on the other side he pushed the door open and walked into the large garage bay that currently housed Scotty's motorcycle, Nicky's motorcycle and 2 of Johnathan's motorcycles.

Scotty came down the stairs as Josh wove his way between the bikes. They stood for a moment and simply stared at each other. Scotty's eyes were full of rage and his fists clenching in a way that Josh knew meant he was trying really hard not to punch first and ask questions later.

"What are you doing here," Scotty snarled under his breath as he walked toward the workbench that ran along one full wall.

"The fuck do you think I'm doing here," Josh laughed sharply. Crossing his arms across his chest he nodded at Scotty's clenched fists. "Swing at me and I'll swing back, buddy, probably the first time we've hit each other over a girl."

"Not a girl," Scotty muttered, bracing his hands against the bench. "She's not a girl, she's my motherfucking baby sister."

"Jesus Christ," Josh rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, "you think I don't know that, what do I have brain damage? She's been your baby sister our whole lives asshole."

"How long have you been messing with her," Scotty spit the words.

Josh let out a long breath, "First of all, I'm not messing with her, I'm dating her and I've been dating her since we got back from King Crab. I'm not going to apologize for dating your sister, dude, but I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner. And that you had to find out that way."

Scotty whirled then, and Josh took the punch to his jaw - the pain exploded up his face and a lifetime of fights, of solving problems with fists kicked in before he could even think. When his fist cracked against Scotty's hard skull the pain radiated through his whole body.

"Gonna mess up my baby sister now like you messed up Vegas," Scotty sneered and Josh realized the danger in fighting with your best friend, not only does the punching hurt physically but he also knows your truths and can use that information to know exactly where to hit mentally. "Maybe you'll mess her up like the other one, east coast one, cause that's how you roll right Josh, get as much as you can and then bail before she can find out just how shitty you are at this."

Josh ran a hand over his face, he should probably be relieved that they've moved from the hitting each other portion of the program but he's thinking about her now, about the things he wants to tell her before he tells her brother and that kind of makes him wish they could just punch each other some more. Because he wants to tell Jill that she's so fucking beautiful she takes his breath away. He doesn't want to tell Scotty that whether she's dressed up or slumming it in sweats and a t-shirt she's everything he's wanted in a girl, to tell her he'd stolen one of her pillowcases when he left for Opis, because it was as close as he could get to having her with him, to tell her he loves her and for once, hopefully for once, he's not going to mess this up.

Josh tested his jaw and drawing a deep breath grasped at the edge of his temper, "You think that it hasn't given me some fucking bad nights, knowing how you defend your sisters. Knowing how many times I've stood next to you and taken shots at guys she's dated? How many guys I've punched. I knew what I was getting into with you, I knew no matter how you found out we were going to end up here, you know that as well as I do."

"Well," Scotty turned away, "want to hit each other some more, because really, I don't have anything else to say to you. You fucked up, you messed with my sister and probably threw our friendship away because what, you already slept your way through all the willing participants in Dutch and there was my smart, perfect, fucking gorgeous youngest sister, so why not?"

"I'm going to leave Scotty, I'm going to walk out that door right now, because your family means something to me, and I know you're mad," Josh drew a breath, swiped at the blood oozing from his lip, and continued quietly, "but if you keep talking I'm going to beat your fucking face in and they'll never forgive me for that."

"Where's your brother," Kay asked absently as Jill walked into the living room.

"In the garage," Jill slumped next to Phil on the couch, "probably punching Josh."

"Why would Scotty be punching Josh,"

"Because he just walked in on Josh and I kissing," Jill plucked at the couch cushions and stared at the carpet. "Oh fuck it," she took a deep breath and looked up, "Josh and I have been dating since November and we didn't tell anybody."

For one hanging moment there was absolute stunned silence.


	10. Chapter 10

_Hi y'all. It's been a while - but here's a little Friday afternoon gift :)_

Josh's jaw still bears the green-ish black bruising of Scotty's fist and Jill's heart bears the invisible bruising of her brother's anger. She calls Scotty once a day, he never answers and she never leaves a message and they never have the conversation she knows they need to have. She calls because it's tearing her up inside, because it feels like doing something instead of the sulking and being stubborn that he's doing, but when pressed she knows she's also just as stubborn as he is. She keeps trying because he's her hero big brother.

In the week that followed they don't talk much about that night. The debris has mostly settled from the initial explosion. They have dinner one night with Phil and Jake and it's all blessedly normal, except the part where Josh kissed her and his dad and brother looked at him like his head has fallen onto his dinner plate.

For the most part it seems that they've reached a mostly stable holding point.

It's either karma or dumb luck that the conversation finally ends up happening at a bar. It's the waning days of March now and technically this is an appearance for the show, but really, it's a bar they go to, this time they're just there at a specific time and with an actual plan to sign some autographs, answer questions and take pictures before they get down to the business of drinking.

It's the first time they've all been in one place since the fateful dinner and for the most part Jill was trying to ignore her brother, a challenge when every 5 minutes someone is taking a picture of all the Hillstrand kids together, but she managed to tuck herself under Nicky's arm every time and Scotty always chose the side furthest away from her.

When the line is gone they move into just being normal people, who happen to star in a hit TV show. Phil sits at a table with some of the other captains, while Johnathan floats from table to table, talking to the people he knows and fielding questions from those he doesn't. The younger guys commandeer a long table and soon enough it's scattered with half empty glasses and bottles and the detritus that they seem to accumulate whenever they stop in one place for any amount of time.

Scotty gets up when Jill sits down at the table, next to Jake Anderson and across from Josh. And when Jill got up to follow Josh looked at her for just a minute before nodding and turning back to the group.

Jill leaned against the table and looked at Scotty expectantly.

"You should have told me Jilly-B," Scott began slowly. Fire leaped dangerously into Jill's eyes.

"So we're finally going to have this out huh," Jill gestured to the bar, "because I will, I will have this fight with you right here, right now, fuck, get Janey and Nicky over here and the whole freaking family can go to town on this." Flames shot out of Jill's eyes as she stared down at him.

"Jilly I'm not going to fight with you about this." Scott ran a hand over his face and looked at his sister. Standing now, her eyes burning with rage.

"Oh, we're going to fight about this, all four of us are going to sit here and each of us is going to say what they want to say. I'm tired of you being in charge Scotty, yes you're the oldest, but you don't always get to be the boss. We're not going to walk around on eggshells forever because you're butt-hurt about my life.,"

Nick boosted onto the stool next to Jill and Janey leaned against the table.

"The way I see it there are 2 options here," Jill spun her phone absently on the table, "Either you're pissed because I'm not joining a convent or you're pissed that I'm dating someone you know. So what is it Scotty, are you pissed that I'm kissing people or are you pissed that it's Josh doing the kissing."

"I prefer not to think about who you're kissing at all, honestly," Nick winked at Jill, "because as far as I'm concerned you're still 9 years old, which is certainly not old enough to be kissing anyone."

"I'm not pissed," Janey shook her hair back and rested an elbow on the table, "I was pissed, but I did my yelling, and also my throwing things," Jill grinned a little, remembering the look on Josh's face when he came home and saw the carnage of Hillstrand sisters fighting, "now I understand, I know why you waited to tell us and honestly, I don't blame you for wanting to keep a secret." she grinned, "especially because I'm hoping to hear some details about the kissing, a little living vicariously I guess." She winked at Jill and Jill smiled.

"Stop talking about kissing," Scotty interrupted, "I don't fucking want to hear about you kissing anyone."

"I'm not 9, even though you and Nicky probably don't want to hear it, I've kissed a lot of people, some of them were your friends, some weren't. Fuck Scotty do you want me to make a list just to make sure that you approve of the people I've kissed? Want me to itemize, tongue vs. no tongue, because I will fucking kiss and tell if it means you'll realize that I can make my own decisions."

"None of them could possibly piss me off as much as you kissing Josh,"

"Oh really," Jill's eyes lit to the challenge, "there couldn't possibly be anyone else in the ENTIRE WORLD that I have kissed in my life that would make you completely and totally irrationally angry like this."

"That's what I said isn't it," Scotty met her eyes above the glasses on the table.

"I kissed Mike Fourtner in the laundry room at Mom and Dad's at my 18th birthday party," her eyes filled with victory as his filled with rage.

"God, he's like 10 years older than you," Nick's eyes widened in shock.

"Technically," Jill held up a hand, "only 7. And I was drunk, and had a crush. Which never amounted to anything because he met Laci seriously like a month later. And honestly probably wouldn't have amounted to anything anyway, because, as the kiss demonstrated, I have far more brotherly feelings toward him than romantic feelings."

"I can't even fucking listen to this anymore," Scotty interrupted, "This is what I have to say about you and Josh. You said everyone gets to say what they want to say. This is mine. He's my best friend, and he should have known better than to put his hands on you."

"What does that mean, should have know better," Jill's voice was low. "How many times have you warned some guy off me Scotty. Is that what you do? Your big brother motivation, telling people not to touch me, choosing for me."

"I do what I have to do." Scotty glared across the table at Nick.

"Why do you always have to protect me," she started slowly, "so what, just because I'm the youngest means I can't take care of myself. I don't see you calling in the cavalry to take care of Janey, don't see you helping Nicky make decisions about his life. What is it about me Scotty, is it that you don't trust me to make my own decisions or that you think you know better than me. Jesus fucking Christ."

"I'd do the same thing for Janey and you know it Jillian, but Janey's not the one in this situation, is she,"

"This is not a situation," Jill's voice climbed. "This is my LIFE and I'm so tired of you fighting my battles Scotty," Jill yelled, "so fucking tired." Her phone vibrated on the table and in a fit of anger she flung it against the wall, closing her eyes when the crash did little to relieve her anger.

"When your children get into a bar fight with each other are you obligated to break it up," Johnathan asked Sig dryly. "Or should you just let them kill each other and figure it's one less mouth to feed."

"My children are tiny Norwegian angels," Sig replied, "they don't get into bar fights."

"My children are evil spawn," Phil joined the conversation, "but usually they stop short of physical violence, at least in public places."

The men watched as Jill threw up her hands and walked away from the table. She disappeared down the hall toward the bathroom leaving nearly everyone in the bar looking after her. Janey was quick to follow, intercepting Josh and having a heated and hand-gesture laden discussion. Before she turned to follow Jill down the hall Janey looked pointedly at her brothers who still sat at the table and then equally pointedly at Josh.

"You haven't thrown your hat in this ring," Phil raised an eyebrow at Johnathan.

"I've been told," Johnathan sipped his drink and raised the eyebrow back, "that my oldest and most stubborn son is doing the work for both of us in this case. Plus," he glanced up as Josh made his way toward his 2 sons, "I actually think Josh is more scared of Kay than he is of me."

"Well," Phil chuckled a little, "maybe he is the smart one."

"You could back me up a little here," Scotty glared across the table at Nick.

"I think," Nick chased the drops of condensation around the table with his finger, "you're both right in certain areas. But I don't want to fight about it and so I'm not going to."

He looked up as Josh sat down at the table. The three men sat silently for a minute before Nick tilted his glass towards Josh, "What I want most, for my whole family," he spoke slowly, "is for them to be happy. Right now Jill's happier than I've ever seen her, you did that. You make her happy. You're one of my oldest and best friends, and I will seriously fucking hurt you if you hurt her." Nick stood up, "though I suspect by the time I get to you you'll already have hurt yourself."

Josh stared across the table. Behind Scotty's left shoulder he saw Jill and Janey appear from the bathroom and sit down at a table with some of the Northwestern crew and Jake, Jill's face betrayed her worry as she studied the two of them from across the bar. His lips quirked to a slight smile when their eyes met and he saw her shoulders relax slightly and his eyes drifted to Scotty.

"We've run together a long time," Scotty stubbornly refused to meet Josh's eyes, "I never doubted our friendship, never imagined that I'd be sitting here with you pissed at me, but I also never imagined that I would tell your sister I love her, and yea that makes this a twisted web But here we are, you giving me the fucking silent treatment for going on 2 weeks and I told your sister I love her this morning."

Josh took a sip of his beer, his throat suddenly dry, "We have a shitload of history together buddy, a lot of long Alaska days together and a lot of crazy nights. You've seen a whole helluva lot of my failures, you were there when my parents split and you're probably the only guy who's seen me cry. But I love Jill Scotty, and if this is going to be your line it's going to be your decision. I'm not going to give up this chance, not going to give her up because you don't approve."

"I'm always going to be here. Always going to be your friend. You can make your choice. But I'm going to tell you one thing, she's cried about this one more than I've ever seen her cry before, over you Scotty. I know you take your role as big brother seriously, but I don't think that's the brother you want to be."

Scotty leaned back, resting his head against the wall as Josh sat quietly sipping his beer. Josh shoved his chair away from the table and looked one more time at his best friend, before turning and walking away.

"And I'm pissed that I broke my phone," sitting back at the table Jill examined the shattered screen.

"That was my favorite part of the fight," Jake sat down across from Jill, "I mean as a whole Josh and I are better yellers than the 2 of you, but throwing things really raised the bar." He sipped his beer, "I was impressed."

Josh slid in next to Jill and draped an arm around her shoulder. She pressed her shoulder a little against his, sinking just for a second into his strength, she doesn't like fighting with her siblings, doesn't like the nagging feeling that her family is always going to be a little messed up because of this choice she's made. But as soon as she had that thought, as soon as the first wave of regret rose up, Josh pressed his lips against the side of her head, casual and for everyone to see and from across the room she saw Phil smile, the little half smile that she recognized as the happy smile, the damn-I'm-proud-of-that-kid-of-mine smile

The first time Josh said I love you out loud it shocked the shit out of her. It made him laugh, because really, he'd been mouthing words against every inch of her skin every night since he got back and he thought she'd probably figured it out by now. But instead she tried to sit down on the bed and missed by a mile and they'd ended up in a heap on the floor laughing together.

When she comes home from work and the rest of his clothes have finally found their way into the closet from storage and his dad's and some other random places she laughed a little, because it's probably been 4 years since all his clothes have been in one place and he should probably be a little embarrassed about the sheer volume of clothes he really has.

He gives her a ride to work and washes and details her car while she's there, changes the oil, changes all the light bulbs that have gone out while he's been gone and fixes the stupid drawer that never stays shut in the half bathroom downstairs.

There are a hundred tiny moments just like that since he's been back that have made her stop, that have made her smile and laugh, combined she knows they mean this is forever. Collectively she's really not ready for that, and she can't help but feel a little cheated that there's no handbook for life, no scientific formula for knowing what to do when forever is right there, looking you in the face whether you're ready or not.

Her heart stumbles when the word forever runs through her head, but she turns just slightly and sees Phil nudge her dad, sees the two of them look over at them and share a smile. The stumble of her heart doesn't feel so scary after that and she angled her head slightly to catch Josh's earlobe in her teeth, soothing the spot with her tongue and whispering, "I love you."

Looking across the table she saw Scotty drop into the chair next to Jake, "anyone wanna share nachos," she reached for her beer and settled back against Josh's arm.

She saw the moment where Scotty realized she's giving him the out, forgiving him if he's willing to take it.

"Yea," the corner of his mouth quirked a smile as he met her eyes, "I'm starving."


	11. Chapter 11

_Y'all I had goals for this - I wanted to be done with this story by the premiere, and instead, here we are with at least 3 chapters left, a bunch of comments to respond to and the premiere still languishing on the DVR. Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I'm so sorry that it's taking me so long to get back to you and so long to get these new chapters to you!_

It feels sometimes like their relationship was equal parts an old sweatshirt and new jeans, well-worn and comfortable on one hand, safe like so many things in life aren't and stiff and scratchy on the other hand. Falling in love with one of your oldest friends is amazing, but as it turns out, it's also a pretty serious mind-fuck where other people are concerned.

It started to feel like they get stopped everywhere. In the grocery store, at the gas station, in restaurants and at work by fans and friends alike, and so many of them express surprise in one form or another about their relationship that Jill started to mutter a little about punching people in the face.

"I can't decide what's worse," she rolled onto her back on the bed and hung her head over the side to watch upside-down Josh brush his teeth before bed, "the one's who say 'oh it's so nice that you finally found your way back to each other,' like we've both been total morons and everyone was just waiting for us to figure it out. Or the one's who say, 'oh I never imagined you'd be with him,'"

"Like us as a couple is so freakishly weird that not even in their wildest imagination would they imagine us together," Josh filled in unbuttoning his shirt and tucking it into the hamper.

"Exactly," she rolled back to her stomach and quirked an appreciative eyebrow when he unbuckled his belt. "Or when Shelley Cupertino says, 'oh, I didn't think you were Josh's type,'"

"Well that's different," Josh tugged her hand to pull her off the bed, "Shelley Cupertino is a bitch, and said that just to be a bitch."

"I know," she grinned, sliding her hands across the bare skin of his stomach and into the waistband of his pants.

"And for the record," he pulled her shirt over her head and tossing it toward the hamper ducked his head to catch her lips with his, "you are totally my type."

"I wasn't especially worried about that," she nipped at his collarbone as he walked them back towards the bed kicking off his pants as they moved. "What with you coming home with me and the whole being naked in my bed every night."

"Oh you picked up on that,"

"Pretty much," she shoved him back to sit on the bed and stood between his legs, "my mama didn't raise no fools."

"No talking about your mama, much as I love her, when we're naked,"

They both laughed a little as he scoots back to rest on the pillows and she crawled slowly up his body, dropping kisses randomly as she went.

"Love you," he cracked a grin as she straddled him.

"Love you," she giggled, kissing his forehead and cheeks and bracketing her elbows on either side of his head.

He groaned a little when she slid over him and sheathed him inside her. And when she leaned back and pulled him even deeper he can't be held responsible for the noises that he made. She alternated between cupping her own breasts and holding her hair back from her face while she rode him. And it's all fucking awesome, because she looks amazing and she's his and no matter what anyone else says or thinks he'd be lying if he said he's ever going to get enough of this. The truth is he doesn't think he's ever going to want anything more than to plant his heavy hands on her hips and watch her face while she rides him for all she's worth.

But it's even more than that, when he arches up to fill her she whispers his name like she's been practicing her whole life just to say _Joshua._

Her eyes are wide open, watching him, looking so deeply into him that sometimes he thinks she can see right into him and see all the insecurities and petty bullshit that comes from a lifetime of not being completely sure he deserves anything he's gotten. But when she smiles he realized that even if she did have some sort of super-human spidey sense to see the things he tried so hard to hide under a super smooth exterior of self-confidence and good looks, the reality is she already knew all those things about him.

She knew he never really got over his parents divorce, that he spent so much time skipping school and making bad decisions hoping that someone would just take a minute to notice him. She knew that her mom was really important to him, and not just because she's so stable, because Kay was the one who put a jar of condoms under the sink in the bathroom and told he and Scotty and Nicky and Jake that over her dead body was any of "her boys" going to get some girl pregnant in high school. They'd all been embarrassed but after that they'd been careful too, because maybe all any of them needed was to know someone was watching. And Kay had watched, Jill knew she laid down the law on Josh one January when both Phil and Johnathan had been fishing. Kay somehow managed to be everything to everyone even in the midst of being a fisherman's wife and running herd on six kids, only four of whom she'd actually birthed. That winter Josh had gotten into some really crazy shit and even Jill didn't know what exactly had happened or what exactly the threats were, but she knew that there had been steps over the invisible line and that the threats had been levelled and that was all it had taken to convince Josh to take a couple of giant steps back from the ledge he'd been teetering on. She knew that he never thought he'd be a crab fisherman but when he had to make the choice between some other job or spending time with his dad – he'd choose his dad every time.

She loves him because of that, because his family always comes first. Because some days she's not entirely sure he and Jake aren't actively trying to kill each other, but then she comes home to the two of them staging an epic video game battle in the living room, best friends again. She loves him because they go to Safeway for groceries and use her shoppers card, and when the checker calls him Mr. Hillstrand he just laughs and hefts the groceries toward the car. She loves him because when she's had a really horrible day at work he's just there, to hold her and tell her he loves her and that it's going to get better. She loves him because he's hers.

And maybe he has a little spidey sense where she's concerned too. When he really sits back and thinks about it he's pretty tuned into her too. He knows that she went to nursing school because the 30 miles from the halls of Monroe High School to the campus of the University of Washington provided the escape that she needed. He knows that she needed to get away, because as much as she loves her family, they cast a pretty heavy shadow. She lived in the same small town her entire life and was the last of 4 kids to go through 13 years of public school with the same 1800 kids, it's no wonder she wanted to go somewhere and not be the youngest Hillstrand. He knows that if she has to choose Scotty's her favorite, the bond of oldest and youngest proving to be the strongest. He knows that she once she got to the UW she split her time pretty equally between studying her ass off and partying like a rockstar.

He loves her because she jumps into everything headfirst, she never thinks about half-assing, if she's going to do it, she's going to DO IT, whether it's her honorary big sister title for Sig's girls or loving him, she's all in, without question. He loves her because she's equally ready to go out and tear up the town or curl up on the couch with a giant bowl of popcorn and a glass of wine.

So maybe it's unexpected, this relationship that seems to be continually shocking everyone around them, but when Josh really thought about it he was more likely to side with the people who were wondering why it had taken so long, now that he knew what he'd been missing he couldn't help but wonder the same thing


	12. Chapter 12

They don't get engaged that first year, or even the second. Everyone asks questions, why wait once you've found the person you're meant to be with. But they just smiled knowingly, because it took them this long to figure out they belong together, a little longer isn't going to hurt anything.

And the security of love, of this relationship in particular, has taught Jill that what she needs most is Josh beside her, ring or no ring, vows or no vows, he's always been exactly what she needs.

And that's how she can smile at the snarky comments from her uncles about how no one will ever buy the cow when the milk is free. She rolled her eyes at the pointed looks at her left hand and concentrated on living life as loud and as large as she always had. With a partner this time.

And the life is nothing if not amazing.

Like the weekend Jill planned a nice quiet dinner with a couple of their friends and the new guy that Janey was dating. Josh laughed at her stress about everything from the menu to what they were going to talk about, but he dutifully stayed out of the kitchen and put on a clean shirt when she looked at his t-shirt in a panic. After dinner they sat around and talked and laughed and Josh raised his eyebrows at Jill from across the room and was rewarded with a toothy grin, because all her worries were unfounded. And then Scotty, Nicky and Jake showed up with some more beer and the conversation continued, and the neighbors stopped by with dessert, and then suddenly, without really any forethought whatsoever the music was turned up and they were having a house party.

A trip to Cabo filled with beer and dancing and a tiny bikini provided a heavy dose of Vitamin D from the coldest, rainiest winter ever in Seattle, much less the Bering Sea.

In a truly horrendous month and a half at work Jill is bedside for the loss of 3 babies and takes a mandatory 3 weeks off "for her mental health." She convinced Janey to house-sit, thew some stuff in a duffel bag and went to Bristol for the first time in 5 years.

She hitched a ride on the Northwestern and traded scrubs for sweatpants, Xtratufs and not showering for days. The end goal was to make it to the Time Bandit, to steal some time with her family, lose herself in the comfortable monotony of repetition that goes with salmon tendering and forget the empty hollow smell that goes with the hospital and to lose the blank stare that felt permanently affixed on her face. Salmon tendering it turned out was like riding a bike and soon enough she remembered all the things she loved about Alaska in the summer, the midnight sun healing her from the outside in.

4 days later her arms were sore, her face was sunburned and during the offload she swapped the Northwestern for the Wizard at the dock and was at least headed in the general direction of the Time Bandit. It only took 5 hours before Keith's rampant superstition drove her almost completely batty. She's all for knocking on wood and wishing on stars lucky pennies and seals and seagulls but she also believes in science and in research and certainly in not leaving everything to chance.

She recounted all of this to Monte over Diet Coke and Hot Tamales in the wheelhouse while they watched the sun dip almost to touch the horizon before starting the long climb back across the sky.

"That's why you do what you do Jill," she rolled her head to the side to look across at him, "no, I'm serious, for all the loving and cuddling you do for those babies, you believe in the method, sure you believe in wishes and hope but all of that belief is grounded in science and in clinical care and all those things that don't have anything to do with superstition."

"And that's why I'm here," she admitted, "because maybe it doesn't really feel like anything is grounded at all."

"You'll find the ground again," he turned slightly in the chair and she closed her eyes.

Less than 24 hours later, Keith winked and handed her an unopened case of Diet Coke and Jill dropped a kiss on Monte's cheek before she followed the pallet of food and supplies over the railing and onto the Cornelia.

From the landing outside the wheelhouse Phil raised an eyebrow and waved but didn't have any commentary about girlfriends and boats and salmon tendering. Because of that they're mostly good for the 5 days that she's on the Cornelia. There's certainly not a lot of time in between offloading and taking weights and dealing with the salmon fisherman for standing arm in arm and watching sunsets and rack cuddling and leisurely making out. There's significantly more time for passing out next to each other after 18 hours of work and waking up less than 4 hours later to do it all again.

They sacrificed 10 minutes that could have been spent sleeping for a shower when Jill admitted that they were going to have to at least hose off a little if they wanted to keep sharing a bed. She slid to her knees on the floor of the shower while Josh scrubbed shampoo through his hair. "Some body's going to lose an eye," he grinned as her nose brushed against the hair on his stomach. Smiling she closed her eyes and focused on her senses, the warm feeling of him in her mouth, the stretch of her wind and sun chapped lips, the lukewarm water pounding against her back, his choked back moan when she sucked lightly on the head. His low and dirty chuckle when he abandoned the shampoo in his hair and braced himself against the shower wall.

His hands slid through her wet hair when she pressed her tongue against the vein on the underside, she rested her hands lightly against his thighs when he started to swear under his breath, pulling one hand out of her hair to brace himself against the wall and sliding down limply next to her moments later. Grinning weakly up at her when she stood and dipped her head under the spray.

The next morning her hair is a hilarious mess of matted curls sticking up at all angles, a product of going to bed with wet hair and sleeping like the dead. She combed her fingers through it and pulled it into 2 stubby pigtails and then tucked it all under a baseball hat.

She left the Cornelia with equal parts sadness at not being able to be with Josh and the bone-deep feeling of comfort of being on the Time Bandit. She was adjusting to the Cornelia, where to put things, where to step, the quirks and creaks that go with any boat. On the Time Bandit all those things were as familiar as her own face in the mirror and when she found herself crushed between her brothers she wasn't surprised by the tears that pricked at the corners of her eyes, she was just surprised it had taken this long.

Johnathan's constant commentary over the hailer and the blaring classic rock were just another piece of of home and in the wheelhouse she catapulted herself into her dad's arms, drawing in his familiar scent before he shoved her toward the stairs to dump her bag and get to work.

Jill and Scotty snuck on top of the wheelhouse on her last night, dragging blankets and pillows up to sleep under the never completely dark summer sky. They laid quietly next to each other in the dark, each wrapped in their own thoughts and Jill spared a moment to thank a higher power, and probably her parents, for the greatest family she could ever have hoped for. She rolled onto her side, pillowed her head against Scotty's shoulder and drew a deep breath.

"Love you brother," she murmured, dropping into sleep before he could even answer.

In the morning, before the insanity of offloading started one more time, she unrolled herself from the burrito of blankets and stood toes curled over the edge of the roof, watching the point where the water met the sky. Drawing a deep breath she raised her hands above her head and held her breath, waiting till her lungs burned to let it out, relaxing slowly, consciously and smiling to herself when she dropped her arms to her sides.

"I really thought you were going to jump off," Scotty's voice interrupted her silence.

"It's summer, but it's really not warm enough for swimming," she turned on her toes to look at him, sleep rumpled, hair sticking up haphazardly. "I really want home fries for breakfast," she collapsed in a heap next to him, resting on her elbows and dropping her head back.

"Mmmmmmmmm," Scotty rolled over and pulled the blankets over his head, "bring me some in like an hour."

"You're such a lazy ass," Jill poked him with her toe and rolled to swing her legs over the side and head down to the galley.

She's back on a plane to Seattle without much fanfare, hugs from her dad and brothers, a wave to the other boats offloading and to the airport where TSA confiscated 2 cans of Diet Coke languishing in the bottom of her bag and she set her phone alarm for boarding time and fell asleep on the floor at the gate.

Back in Seattle she realized Monte was right, somewhere between the bone crushing work and the soul deep exhaustion she'd found the ground again, she'd found the balance between hope and superstition and the facts of science. With that in mind she attacked work with a new vigor, sun kissed freckles scattered over her nose, refreshed and alive from her time away.

Like clockwork January comes around, as it does without fail and with it maybe a routine. Jill hated to think of it as that, hated to think that she was going to adjust to Josh leaving for a month and a half. But if nothing else she knew the drill now, knew the ache in her heart and the unsettled feeling that won't go away until he's home again.

In addition to Josh going fishing, she's dealt the one-two punch of switching from working days back to working nights. So on top of feeling like she doesn't know up from down emotionally, she really doesn't know it physically either. She went straight from the airport to work for 12 hours and came home and fell into what passed for complete physical exhaustion and an emotionally induced coma.

When her alarm went off 10 hours later she slapped at it blindly, and stumbled toward the shower, too tired to even turn on the bathroom light. She stood under the warm water wrapped in the comforting darkness and tried to shake the fog from her brain while mechanically reaching for shampoo and conditioner, washing her face with quick sure strokes. Post shower she's still exhausted, standing in the bathroom still in the dark brushing her teeth and putting on her accessories with the same mechanical ease until she blindly tried to shove the ring onto her thumb and it hung up on her knuckle.

Confused she pulled it back and tried to shove it again with the same results. With the clarity that comes when something routine doesn't go right she fumbled to flip on the light. Hissing as the blinding light scorched her tired brain she looked down and sagged against the counter. Because the ring in her fingers isn't the solid silver band she's worn nearly every day for more than 3 years, it's a thin silver band set with what seems like a hundred sparkling diamonds and in the little dish next to the sink that normally holds her jewelry is a sticky note, two words, scrawled in Josh's familiar slanted handwriting - _Marry Me?_


	13. Chapter 13

_Short chapter is short y'all, but this is where it wanted to be, and the best is yet to come._

He's exhausted, she doesn't have to be in love with him to take one look and know that he's down at least 10 pounds and if the circles burned under his eyes are any indication, at least 150 hours of sleep. But that doesn't stop him from wrapping his arms so tightly around her that it felt like her ribs may actually crack under the pressure.

Despite the tear-filled satellite phone call to the Cornelia and the Time Bandit that followed her discovery of rings and post-its, it turns out that engagement doesn't mean much, it doesn't mean more phone calls and it doesn't mean faster fishing and offloading and it doesn't mean that Josh was home any sooner despite the ring wrapped around her finger and the force of her every wish and hope and dream.

She'd threatened to fly up and meet them for an offload, if for no other reason than to have one brief minute to actually see his face. She'd cried on her mom's shoulder despite her best attempts not to. She'd ranted to Janey about how unfair the whole situation was. But in the end she'd managed to be mostly calm when they actually talked about it, mostly practical in the face of this life that sometimes seemed fathoms away from practical. They agreed it wasn't worth it, he'd be home soon enough and despite the burning in her stomach, she could wait. Patience was a virtue she worked on all the time.

Now, finally, standing in the middle of the airport she nosed the hood of his sweatshirt to the side, burrowing against his neck until the stale smell of travel and airports gave way to the warm and achingly familiar scent of Josh. With a sigh she tucked her face against that spot and drew a deep breath, holding on just as tightly as he did. Pulling back to cup his face in her hands she kissed him just a little long and a little too deep before they both remembered that they were standing in the middle of the airport, and love or not, engaged or not, some things are just better in private.

So her heart flipped all over again when instead of grabbing her hand and leading the way to baggage claim he grabbed her hand and dropped down on one knee. Tears filled her eyes and she drew a shaky breath.

"What are you doing," she whispered, "I already said yes."

"I know," he kissed the hand he held and looked up at her, "and I was really going to wait until we were home to do this, but I actually," he looked around at the crowd that surrounded them, his family, her family, the boat family, "I think this is the perfect place for this."

"Jillian," her hand shook in his, "I always meant to do this in person, so I could see your face. I had a whole speech about loving you, and forever and a family, but all I can remember is this. I love you, marry me,"

Her breath hitched, and just for a minute she saw the boy she'd grown up with, the boy who even in the worst of times had never been anywhere but in her life, as she blinked away the tears she saw him clearly, the man now, the man she'd grow old with. And then she laughed, heart so full of happiness, pressed a thumb against her eye to stem the tears and chanted, "yes, yes, yes."

As their families cheered he reached into his pocket and pulled out one final surprise, sliding a silver band with one fat, square, sparkling diamond on her finger. "For when you aren't working," he whispered in her ear as he gathered her in his arms.

"I love you, so much," she clutched the thick material of his sweatshirt in her hands, "so, so much."

"Why does she get two rings," Mandy asked curiously when they're gathered around the luggage carousel watching the series of beaten and dirty bags .

"Because she's spoiled," came Janey's answer from her seat slouched in the uncomfortable airport chairs.

"Because she has to wear gloves every day, so she gets the ring to wear to work, and the ring to wear the rest of the time," he rests his lips against her temple for just a minute, scanning the battered luggage as it careened by, "and because she's spoiled."

For just a minute he's reminded of the sheer panic that came when he picked out the rings, the realization that this is a huge step, bigger maybe than any decision he's ever made in his entire life.

But then he remembers coming home from the jewelry store and finding Jill asleep on the couch, feet tucked into the cushions, creases from the couch pressed against her cheek. He had sat on the edge of the couch, the shifting weight just enough to wake her up, her eyes hazy with sleep and for one moment completely unfiltered. He watched almost mesmerized as they filled with so much love for him in that moment he forgot the frozen ball of fear low in his belly in favor of making her vision haze in a completely different way.

Later, with her warm and pliant body tucked against his on the couch he looked at the collage of photos on the fridge, framed through the kitchen door, bathed in the warm dim light of the stove, some of the pictures have been replaced since that first night, time marching on, new family events, new trips, grinning faces of family and friends their lives separately and their lives together.

The ring set sat locked in his glove compartment for nearly 3 months after that, waiting, not to make sure it was the right choice, but to find the right moment.


	14. Chapter 14

_Hi dudes - hope you're all having a wonderful summer, hopefully 3-ish chapters left in this beast! Thank you so much for your lovely, lovely comments!_

They got married in August, sun filtering through the smoky haze of a summer forest fire and turning everything a glowing ethereal gold.

She remembered it all in slow motion and fast forward, snippets like watching a favorite movie with the remote in hand, stopping to remember the parts that made her laugh, parts that made her cry.

The planning was somehow easier than she expected, a day on her parents deck with her mom and Janey had hammered out most of the details, the house on the lake, white chairs, and a simple late afternoon ceremony. And a reception that Jill hoped would more closely resemble a family barbecue than anything formal.

Simple, was a word she felt she repeated time and time again, more and more often in the context of the outlandish suggestions from Discovery and Original Productions. Finally, in a meeting where a producer suggested that 2 ice sculptures would be both appropriate and a good visual on camera, Jill flew off the handle.

In a low voice that Josh recognized as an alarming hybrid of Johnathan's firey temper and Kay's frozen calm, Jill made the points quickly and simply, it was her wedding, it was Josh's wedding, they were allowing cameras as a courtesy, as a gesture of good will toward the show that provided opportunity and some financial gain to their families. But those cameras would work within she and Josh's plans, they were simple people, not ice sculpture people.

Despite her constant refrain of simple, Josh celebrated his bachelor-lifestyle one last time with a beer and party filled weekend in Vegas that culminated in a drunken golf cart joyride down the strip, forever immortalized on shaky cell phone camera film with Jake's high-pitched giggles a soundtrack to the careening lane changes.

Jill's bachelorette party was equally full of entertainment caught on film including a McDonald's bag turned hat inscribed with the following message - "someone congratulate me I'm about to give my last blow job."

It became Josh's favorite picture, guaranteed to make him laugh, because the truth was, Jill loved giving blow jobs. She was constantly manhandling him into corners, against cabinets, pulling down his sweats and burying her face between his thighs while he sat at the table or on the couch. So while the hat was funny, he couldn't help but have the last laugh when she lifted her head and rested her cheek against his knee, head fuzzy with orgasm and knuckles white from gripping the edge of the seat.

When the day finally arrived it felt like everything was moving incredibly quickly, like she had to tuck the memories into corners of her brain for processing later, when there was more time and space to think.

And so she filed those memories away, waking up the morning of her wedding in her childhood bedroom to Janey climbing into bed with her. Curling together, laughing and whispering, remembering all the times they had done just this as children. The gauzy white material of her wedding dress, hung over the back of the closet door, floating in the light breeze that came through the open window.

The controlled chaos in the kitchen her mom standing in the middle of it, directing caterers with gigantic hand gestures while her dad leaned against the sink, feet crossed, half a smile on his face and a cup of coffee wrapped in his hand.

Scotty's report that Josh and his groomsman were hanging out and relaxing in air conditioned comfort with leather couches, a giant homemade breakfast spread from June and Louise Hansen and watching reruns of _The A-Team_

Hours later stepping into the white dress. The clicking of the photographers shutter drowned out by Mandy's gasp as the acres of diamond white fabric draped to the floor. "You're a princess," her mom whispered as she zipped up the back and rested her head against Jill's shoulder just for a minute.

She stood in the shadows to watch as Janey walked alone down the aisle, Jill tucked her hand into her father's elbow, his huge hand covering hers. Took just a minute to look, to watch for one moment before she was at the center of the storm, to see Josh waiting for her at the other end, his brother and her brothers standing in line beside him.

A collective gasp rose from the crowd when they started the long walk up the aisle, she tried to memorize the faces, to remember this moment forever, but one look at Josh's grinning face and she was done for, forgetting to walk slowly, to remember this moment.

Johnathan's hand shook a little as he let her go, he kissed her cheek softly, held her face in his hands and rubbed his nose against hers their secret father-daughter Eskimo kisses ritual. Tears welled in Jill's eyes as he shook Josh's hand, leaned in to whisper something conspiratorially to Josh and took his seat next to Kay, wiping his eyes surreptitiously as he sat down.

Tears poured unchecked down Jill's face as she repeated the vows they'd chosen, unprepared for how much it meant to her to look at Josh and promise a lifetime together. Josh's voice cracked as he promised, "for better or for worse." but his hands were steady as he slid the ring on her finger.

She laughed against his mouth when they sealed the vows with a kiss, and to the cheers of the crowd he spun her in a short circle, skirts billowing in the warm afternoon air.

Josh had his own set of snapshots to go with the day.

When they'd talked about their first dance he told her he was picking the song, and it was a surprise. She wanted to know what it was, she wanted to be in control. But he knew what he was doing, at least with this one, and had shaken his head every time she'd tried to finagle the information out of him.

But it was worth it, to see her, white dress billowing around her, veil abandoned after one too many people hugged her and unknowingly yanked her head back, green eyes sparkling when she caught sight of him across the room.

The timing was just a little off between her dance with her dad and their first dance and she was standing there alone in front of all their family and friends for just a minute as he dropped his beer on the nearest table and hurried to the dance floor, he arrived just in time for the simple opening piano of Faithfully to pour through the speakers and with her cheek cupped in his hand to see her eyes fill. He knew in that moment that this life was going to be full of trials and tribulations, he knew from watching his friends that marriage was work. But when he enveloped her in his arms, he knew he'd do anything to make it work.

He sang softly in her ear while they swayed together. The veil of tears made the entire dance feel like a dream. She laughed when he changed the line _loving a fisherman ain't always what it's supposed to be_ and sang along as she promised again _I'm forever yours, faithfully_


	15. Chapter 15

They all went to Lake Chelan for a week that August and stayed in a huge house on the water. There's laughing and swimming and book reading on the dock and hilariously serious fights about which captain gets to be captain of the ski boat. They barbecue every night on the huge deck, sun baked and tired and so relaxed it almost doesn't feel legal.

It's been years since they've all spent time all together at the lake like this, after dinner turns into story time, everyone laughing about the time Janey lost her bikini bottoms while she was water skiing and when Jill and Jake were too little and light to hold the tube in the water while Johnathan whipped them around the lake behind the boat. Jill doesn't remember much of those days, she remembers the summer it was so hot they slept on the dock, a jumble of hot bodies stretched across the weather-smooth sun-warmed planks, the butterflies in her stomach as the tube skipped across the water behind the boat, the eternal joy of being seven years old and never having to take a bath and never having to take off her swimsuit and later the first time she skinny dipped sliding softly into the moonlit water. By the time high school rolled around vacations meant more exotic locations and less family time and for Jill this week in Eastern Washington is like the best kind of time warp, so spoiled to have all her favorite people in one place at the same time.

The worst thing that happens all week is the teasing about her sudden loss of water-skiing skills.

"I remember when we literally had to drag you in at the end of the day Jilly," Johnathan rattled the ice in his glass as the setting sun reflects off the lake. "And now we drag you through the lake."

Phil laughed from his station behind the grill, "leave her alone, it's not her fault, she grew up, and she got scared of falling."

"I say, more time for me behind the boat," Jake grinned, "which means more time to check out the girls on docks."

"And what," Janey grabbed Jake's bare foot and shook it, "smile and wave as you whiz by like some cheesy commercial."

"Well yea," Jake kicked at her bare leg, "that's basically the plan."

"Tired," Josh wrapped an arm around Jill's shoulders when she tipped her head against his shoulder.

"Just happy," she let her eyes slip shut while the voices washed over her, trying and failing to stifle a jaw-cracking yawn, "and maybe a little tired."

On their last night they stayed late at the house, drawing the freedom of vacation out for as long as possible. When the summer sun finally slid behind the shadow-tinged hills they drove west, windows down and the radio up.

"Someone asked me the other day if it felt different being married," Josh rubbed a finger over her rings smiling as they clicked against each other.

"And," Jill squeezed his hand.

"I didn't expect to," Josh downshifted at one of the last stoplights before the freeway, "but I do."

"Me too," she grinned and leaned forward to turn up the radio.

As the warm summer air poured through the open sun roof Jill thought seriously about how perfect her life was at that very moment, skin tan and still sun warmed, wearing her bikini under a skirt and tank top, hair damp from one last celebratory jump in the lake and her fingers threaded with Josh's warm and familiar, resting against the center console headed home, together.

Coming back from vacation was the worst. Jill grumbled to herself as she dragged her tired body out of bed at 4 the next afternoon. She pulled on a pair of Josh's Cornelia Marie sweatpants that she had hacked into capris and yanked a gray ribbed tank over her head. Sliding her feet into flip flops she raised her eyes in thanks, not for the first time, that the hospital had laundry service for the scrubs she wore every day.

"Hey," Josh grinned as she walked down the stairs, "how was your nap."

"Could have been longer," she snuggled against his chest, "vacation spoiled me, I just want to sleep for days."

"No sleeping for days," he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rocked her back and forth, "this day is the worst you know, you'll be back in the groove in no time."

"Thanks sweetheart," she smiled and ran kisses lightly up his neck. "Miss you when I'm not sleeping with you."

"Don't start something you can't finish," Josh arched his neck when she bit his jaw lightly, "I know how long it takes you to get to work, and we," he grabbed her hands and in a swift move pinned them above her head, eyes darkening when she arched just slightly against the restraints, "don't have time for this now, but we'll pick this up later," his hands squeezed her wrists for a second.

Time wasn't on their side though and Jill cursed the night shift when she was crawling into bed exhausted and curling against Josh's sleep warmed body to sleep like the dead, barely even able to crack her eyes open when a few short hours later he got up for the day.

When the smell of the cafeteria food at the hospital sent her charging to the bathroom to deposit the entire contents of her stomach she was pretty sure she'd caught the flu while they were at Lake Chelan. Odds were someone had some kind of germy mess without knowing it and they had in turn shared with everyone else in the house.

When she didn't slip into the night shift routine and she continually found herself exhausted with more than half the night she was grateful for working in a hospital because of the availability of beds to lay down in when she was so tired she literally couldn't move anymore. After the third night of requiring a nap to make it through a normal 12 hour shift, she started to get suspicious.

Three days later, on a particularly quiet night in the hospital, after another round of puking, she handed over a plastic package to Carla, one of her favorite nurses in the NICU and sat quietly on an empty bed for a blood draw.

"Want me to run this down to the lab?" Carla smiled while she taped over the cotton ball on Jill's arm.

"Nah, I'm going to go down and get a Gatorade, I'll drop it off on my way." They stood at the counter as Carla marked the vial with Jill's information, reached into a drawer without asking for a green label marked RUSH and slid it into a bag.

"Bring me a Pepsi, huh," Carla yawned and stretched her arms above her head, "I'm exhausted."

"Sure,"

She went home early from work and found Josh shirtless, sprawled on the couch eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch straight from the box and watching Scooby Doo.

"You're home early," he muted the TV and looked up at her, "are you still sick? You still look kind of green again."

"I'm OK," her hand shook a little as it carded through his messy morning hair, "I'm pregnant."

Josh's hand stopped, midway between the cereal box and his mouth, fist clutched full of sticky sweet cereal. "Can you," he paused, shoved the cereal back in the box and turned to kneel on the couch to look at her, "can you say that again."

"Pregnant," she said quietly, "I'm pregnant, we're having a baby."

"Holy shit," Josh wrapped his arms around her waist and rubbed his face against her still-flat stomach. "When are you due?" he asked voice muffled by her scrub top and while she chucked softly she felt him draw a deep breath. "Shut up, I know it's 9 months, but I can't do the math right now. Holy shit, I'm not even sure I remember my name right now."

"April," she smiled, running her hands along his bare shoulders and up into his hair, "the end of April,," she drew a deep breath, "Jesus Josh, I know we talked about it and maybe didn't really plan it like this and now but wanted, but you'll be on the boat and then I'm due seriously right in the middle of promo and premieres and,"

"Hey, hey," he drew back to look at her as her voice picked up speed. When she stopped talking he reached up to wipe the tears from the corners of her eyes and then stood on the cushions to haul her over the back of the couch and into his arms, "sure the timing isn't awesome, but, Jill, we'll make it work. If this is what's happening then this is what we're going to do - maybe you haven't noticed, but we're actually pretty awesome at rolling with the punches."

"Holy shit Joshua. We're having a baby."

"Jill's pregnant," he's said it out loud a bunch of times now, in the shower, to the bathroom mirror, to the dishwasher, alone in his car, but slouched on his dad's couch, this is the first time he's said it to someone instead of something.

"Wait," Phil poked his head out from the kitchen where he was marinating chicken for dinner, "she's pregnant now?"

"No asshole, five years from now, I'm just practicing telling you ," Josh pushed himself off the couch to walk into the kitchen and pull a beer from the fridge, leaning against the counter and quirking an eyebrow at his dad.

"Josh," Phil cleared his throat and Josh panicked a little when he saw the tears in his dad's eyes.

"No," Josh pointed his bottle, "No fucking tears yet. You're the first person I've told and I'm a little freaked out, if you cry I don't know if I'll be able to handle it."

"How is she feeling? Where is she? I can't believe you told me this and she isn't even here, you little punk."

"She's on her way, she's, she's pretty tired and sick most of the time, they actually kind of lie about morning sickness you know, she pretty much feels horrible all the time, I really," Josh paused, drawing a deep breath, "I kind of had no idea."

"How are you," Phil sealed the chicken in a ziplock and leaned against the counter next to him, "besides the complete abject terror, which I see now like a billboard all over your face."

"I don't," Josh started, "I have no idea how to do this. What if I mess it all up." Giving up completely on nonchalance he reached with a shaking hand to set the beer on the edge of the counter.

"You won't," Phil shrugged, "the fact that you're actually worried about it means you won't mess it up."

"Will I stop being freaked out," Josh asked bracing his hands against the counter, "because I think I'd really like it if the terror could stop, just for a little bit."

"Joshua," Phil laughed, pushing away from the counter and toward the back door of the trailer to light the grill, "you made a person, freaked out is basically going to be your constant state of mind from now on."

"Hey Pops," Josh stood in the door feeling just slightly calmer at the unexpected normalcy of the moment, "we're just telling you and John and Kay right now, every one's going to figure it out because she's completely exhausted and puking all the time, but," he trailed off.

"But it's early," Phil finished, "should I put this chicken on now or should we wait and see what she wants to eat."

"She'll want grilled cheese," Josh grinned, "it's basically all she's eating right now, but ask her, she likes the chance to say no."

Her life was defined by bodily functions in a way that she's never anticipated before. When she ate there was really only one consideration, how was this going to feel coming back up.

She threw up all the time, she wore a path in the carpet between the couch and the bathroom, made Josh pull over on the shoulder of the freeway, threw up in all the bathrooms at her parents house, the bathrooms at the grocery store, Target and one positively horrifying gas station bathroom where she chose to throw up in a trash can instead of getting too close to the toilet.

It became a game of what will hurt the least when it comes back up, for unexplainable reasons blue Gatorade was better than red, graham crackers hurt less than saltines, fruit was positively out of the question and chocolate sounded consistently amazing but gave her heartburn so badly she made Josh promise to not even mention the word. She lived basically on grilled cheese, Gatorade and ginger ale and dropped enough weight in the first five weeks to earn a stern lecture from her doctor about nutrients being necessary for growing another human.

Jill has always known Josh loved her, always been secure in that love, but finding herself in an endless cycle of throwing up, almost throwing up or trying to stave off throwing up she found herself leaning on him in a way she never imagined. Because in addition to the puking her hormones are so whacked that it felt like half the time she's laying on the bathroom floor, post-puking, wrapped in a towel because she's just so cold and crying because for once she'd like to be able to eat a sandwich and not pay the consequences 20 minutes later.

So when Josh came in and scooped her off the floor and wrapped her in blankets and his furnace-like body she's so overcome with love for him that she's crying again, and the crying makes her stomach roll and it's back to the bathroom to start the whole cycle again.

In short, she's maybe not the best pregnant person ever.

An emergency trip to the ER for fluids midway through a day at work yields her a day of tests and a prescription for Zofran. The pills take the edge off, but also make her almost unbearably tired, as it is she feels like she could curl up and sleep for weeks, the Zofran makes it feel like that's the only acceptable solution.

They managed to keep the pregnancy a secret for the traditional first 3 months, officially telling only Phil, Kay and Johnathan. She's thankful that Josh is at most a B or C list celebrity and there are no pictures of her showing up on TMZ analyzing her clothes choices with headlines touting _Baby Bump Watch - Deadliest Catch Edition_.

Jake found out one night when they're out dancing in Seattle. Josh is obsessive about her drinks and she ended up pretending to drink whiskey and 7-up a lot because it bears a striking resemblance to ginger ale. Jake gets kissed by a random stranger on the dance floor and comes back to the table to frantically slam the rest of her drink. When only ice remained he looked at her accusingly. "That doesn't even taste like whiskey."

Jill made panicked eyes at Josh from across the room and Josh dragged Jake in the bathroom for 2 minutes. When they got back Jake looked at her with wide eyes and when he pulled her into a tight hug she grinned against his chest.

Janey found out because she was there the first time Jill's pants didn't fit and despite the fact that she'd managed to hide the puking and the debilitating exhaustion it's the freakish mood swings that she blamed when she sat back on the bed and yelled, "Janey!"

"What's up," Janey stood in the door a moment later, looking understandably confused.

"My pants don't fit,"

Janey stood in the doorway and stared open mouthed for a minute and with a sudden flash of clarity that Jill could almost see pass across her face put the pieces together.

"Holy shit I will literally kill you with my bare hands for not telling me this Jillian."


	16. Chapter 16

"We saw your mom at Safeway today," she said it casually as she unloaded the groceries, carefully sorting them between things she can put away and things that go in cabinets she can't reach.

Josh leaned over her shoulder to pull a giant bag of cinnamon bears from one of the bags and looked at her curiously, "nobody likes cinnamon bears this much,"

"It felt like a good idea at the time, OK," Jill flashed a grin at him, "in fact, it sounded delicious and I couldn't live without them and now they make me want to hurl."

Josh laughed as he tossed the bag in the air, "should I put them away in the pantry or on the shelf in the garage with the other foods that must not be named."

She considered for a minute before pressing a hand against the side of her belly, "garage I think."

When he came back he picked up the conversation immediately.

"So anyway, you saw my mom,"

"It was fine," she shrugged and dropped into a chair at the table propping her feet on the other chair, "the usual, kiss kiss, hug hug, how are you feeling, everyone is so excited, can't wait to find out if it's a boy or girl, say hi to Josh, how is Jacob, oops gotta go, have a nice day."

"So basically like every other conversation you've had with everyone else you've talked to for the past 3 weeks."

"Basically yes," she tapped her fingers restlessly against the kitchen table.

"But what," Josh twisted the top off a Gatorade from the fridge and wrapped her tapping fingers around the bottle.

"I don't know," Josh pulled her feet off the chair and sat down to wait.

"I guess," she stopped again. "I think I have some Disney movie view of how this is all going to turn out. I'm cranky and uncomfortable and sick and don't actually want anyone to touch me. But I'm also stupid happy and so in love with you, so all the other pieces should fall in place right."

"Did she say something," Josh's eyes flashed with temper and he drew a deep breath to rein it in.

"No, no," she reached her hand across the table to wrap with his. "She was the same as she always is. She didn't turn around and walk the other way like the first time she saw me but she didn't offer anything extra either. Just like you said she was like everyone else I've seen."

"Well," Josh grinned, turning his hand over to lace his fingers with hers, "I guess that proves it. Not even our kid is going to fix my messed up family relationships."

"Does it upset you," she asked quietly, "there are all these people over the moon, people we don't know, for god's sake people on the internet are fucking overjoyed and here she is, someone we actually know acting like someone off the street. Like a greeting card, congratulations, babies are a gift. It made me want to yell, because it isn't just a baby, it's her grandchild. People who are not even related to us are more excited than she is."

"It's life J," he stole a sip from her Gatorade, "this is a woman who came to our wedding but left before we cut the cake. She makes her decisions, we make ours, and my decision is to love you and the jellybean with as much as I can, and as far as I'm concerned, people who choose not to make that same choice, are just missing out."

"Really," Jill stood between his legs and smiled softly when he pressed his lips just above her belly button.

"Well the way I see it," he blew softly through the fabric of her shirt, "you're pretty amazing and I'm pretty OK. So our kid basically has no choice but to be awesome. And if someone fails to see the awesomeness that's their own damn fault."

"You're going to get the jellybean a shirt that says 'no choice but to be awesome' aren't you."

"Abso-fucking-lutely,"

"Are all the groceries put away?" She rubbed a hand against the base of his neck.

"Everything except the soap that has to go upstairs," he said. "Why?"

"Because I want to go upstairs," she said. "And I'm not going back to the grocery store because the milk got warm." It was the first time she'd suggested it since the onset of the continual throwing up, and she watched the conflicting emotions dance across his face. "And yes, that means exactly what you think it means."

"Are you sure?" he said, planting his hands firmly on her hips. "You just said you don't want—"

"No, I do want," she said, "I don't want anyone else in a five-foot radius of me, but you I want a lot closer," she paused, looked at him seriously, "always."

When he paused for another second she climbed in the chair to straddle him.

"We can do it here if you want Joshua, I'm not picky,"

"Oh you aren't picky are you," he grinned, wrapping an arm around her waist and guiding her as she rocked against him.

"You know that," she gasped as he thrust up slightly.

"I do know that," he slid a hand under her shirt as she mouthed the line of his jaw, "considering we probably built this baby either in the shower or on this very kitchen table, I am well-aware of your desire to have sex anywhere in this house."

As he rolled her nipple between his fingers he swallowed her gasp and continued, "but I think we'll go upstairs, because I'd like very much to spread you out on your bed and take my time with this."

"But I want now," she whined, rocking harder against his body.

"I'll make you a deal," Josh grinned, grasping her hips and pulling her against him, "I'll give you this one for free and then we'll go upstairs."

Worming a hand into her pants he found her warm, wet and waiting and catching her mouth with his he pressed a finger up into tight heat and thumbed at her clit. He knew this rhythm as well as the beat of his own heart, her body as familiar as his own even through the changes pregnancy brought.

"Josh," her voice shook against his shoulder as she rocked against him one last time before her entire body shook against his, "Oh holy shit," she whispered as he rubbed her back.

She stood quickly and led him up the stairs to spread him out over their bed, reintroducing his body to hers, breath catching as this time he thrust up and into her, arms banding around each other as they rocked together, slowly, breathlessly rushing toward the finish line.

Later body warm and loose with sex Jill stood in her underwear in front of the mirror while Josh shaved. Turning to stand in profile she tried to imagine herself 4 months from now or at least sometime with more than the little pooch she had now.

"Nobody told me that before you get to the actually looking pregnant thing you get to spend a bunch of time looking like you had too many orders of cheese fries and beer."

"That's crazy talk," Josh contorted his face and dragged the razor along his jaw. "What are you even talking about, you look great."

"I just," she paused, rested her hand between her breasts, "my pants don't fit, my shirts don't exactly cover my whole stomach anymore, but it looks a lot more like I'm the cover model for beer butts and beer guts than making a human."

"Do you want a sign?" Josh rinsed his face and patted it with a towel, "maybe something small, tasteful, maybe little cards you can hand out that say – it's not that I've been skipping spin, I'm just busy growing a human."

"Yes," Jill laughed and shoved him out the door, "that's exactly what I want, more attention, more people touching me. What I really need is a sign that says, I'm pregnant choose your commentary wisely."

"Too many words," Josh stepped into his jeans, "it has to be quick."

"Oh," Jill poked her head out of the closet, "that reminds me. Janey can't stop buying random baby clothes."

"We don't even know if it's a boy or girl,"

"Wait till you see it though," Jill walked down the hall to room that would be the nursery but for now was empty minus a recliner with a stack of baby clothes on it. Josh followed, his body twitching halfheartedly at the way the boyshorts hugged the curves of Jill's ass.

The onesie sat on top of the slowly growing stack of clothes, when Jill held it up Josh was temporary distracted by the size, sometimes it was hard to imagine that they were having an actual baby, despite the ultrasounds and the doctor's appointments and the morning sickness, it was still hard to believe that this was really happening, to say nothing of the fact that he found it hard to believe that said baby was going to be small enough to fit in clothes that didn't even seem big enough for his dad's purse dog.

Nevertheless the onesie Jill held up was awesome as advertised, black with "_Mother Sucker_" written across the front in white lettering and he grinned at Jill.

She was laying on the couch resting after work three nights later when it happened for the first time – curled one her side with her head resting on Josh's thigh drifting between awake and asleep while he channel surfed, the flashes of light bright behind her eyelids as he changed channels.

She reached across her body to where her cell phone was resting on the coffee table and felt a bubble twinge just above her belly button. "Whoa," she paused, rested her arm on the table, hoping to feel it again.

"What," Josh tensed, "are you OK,"

"It moved,"

"The jellybean," Josh reached to cup the side of her stomach.

"Yes," she whispered, feeling like time was suspended, holding perfect still. When it didn't come again she leaned back against Josh.

"What did it feel like,"

"A flutter, or like bubbles, butterflies."

"Like gas," Josh chuckled against her shoulder.

"Maybe," she simultaneously swatted at his hand and wrapped his body more tightly around her.

"Hey munchkin," Josh moved his lips against her bare shoulder and rubbed his fingers lightly over her stomach, "move some more, so you can convince your mother you aren't gas."

"Oh that's awesome," Jill reached back to tangle a hand in his hair and laughed both from the feeling of his lips moving and the commentary. "Don't tell our baby that I thought he was gas."

"Josh," she whispered later, curling against his body in the dark as they drifted to sleep, "we're really having a baby."

"I kind of can't wait," Josh smiled, resting his lips against her temple.


	17. Chapter 17

One thing was sure, there was no hiding it, by the time he left in October she was definitely showing, and her small frame hid nothing of her burgeoning belly. 

She sent pictures, under duress, when she could actually hear people in the background asking if she was showing and when her dad told her that basically everyone in Dutch wanted to talk about the incoming Harris.

The pictures were mostly profile shots taken in the mirror in their master bathroom or the mirror in the bathroom at work, so by the time they left to fish his phone held a progression of weirdly florescent images ghostly tracking the progress of the growing baby bump and the varied clutter marching across the bathroom counter.

He got regular status updates post-doctor appointment, full of things he didn't completely understand about measuring and heartbeats and other mysterious pregnancy things. She was finally gaining weight and so he at least understood when she updated him on her weight gain. Here Josh was in his element settling in comfortably for long-distance ribbing about too many hamburgers and milkshakes while her laughter sang across the desolation of the Bering Sea. 

Fishing was blessedly quick but still felt like slow-motion, Josh managed for the most part to tuck away the worry about being gone, about impending fatherhood and about missing Jill, but he still sometimes felt like he was always off-balance, always had one ear cocked, listening for a phone call, waiting for someone to tell him something had gone wrong and here he was in the middle of the Bering Sea, the very definition of unable to help.

The phone call never came and with a deep breath that felt a lot like relief he hopped a flight as soon as he could, not feeling the least bit sorry about snagging the last standby seat on a flight to Seattle.

For all the pictures on his phone, the surreptitious reading of pregnancy websites and all the reports about bodily changes he felt weirdly unprepared to see Jill when he finally made it through their front door. He leaned his head back against the door for just a minute, reveling in the quiet, the clean safe smell of home. And then she was standing in front of him and he forgot his nerves, forgot to feel anything but complete and absolute love for her.

"Holy shit you're beautiful," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her.

"What now," she tucked her face against his neck and laughed nervously.

"Yes," he said seriously, stepping back to look at her, tank top stretched low over her belly, a pair of his old ratty basketball shorts tied securely under it, a strip of winter white bare skin peeking from between the two, "seriously, right now."

"I am," she lifted her face for a kiss "so glad you're home."

Though he didn't have to track her progress by photo while he was home for Christmas - The intermediate months of her pregnancy felt equally like he was watching through a set of snapshots, moments as part of whole that were stuck on repeat in his memory.

The day they found out the baby was a girl, the ghostly shape drifting across the ultrasound screen looking like some kind of sea monkey more than a real live baby.

Her shocked face when he pulled the ring out of his glove box after their appointment. "I couldn't not buy you something Jillian and I asked my dad and he said basically there's no way jewelry is wrong, especially in this case."

The gasp when she saw the three slim silver bands twisted together, "I'm not huge for symbolism, but 3 seems like kind of an important number these days and I figured out could wear it on your thumb like you used to wear my ring."

"Joshua," her voice was thick with tears, "I am so happy I married you."

"Yea," he grinned pulling her into a hug over the gearshift, careful of her belly, "I'm pretty stoked about the whole arrangement as well."

And of course, the madness of Christmas Eve with the Hillstrands.

"I love Christmas," Josh grinned from the driver's seat, "beer, presents, family, fun and my girl."

"Speak for yourself," Jill shifted to look at him, "everyone is going to fawn over you and offer you whiskey and point out your very manly impregnating powers and everyone is going to give me advice, and make sure I don't even come close to anything with alcoholic content and ask how my boobs feel and make comments about how fat I'm getting."

"Well," Josh winked, running a hand over her distended belly to feel the ripple and roll beneath the surface, "if anyone asks me, your boobs feel fan-fucking-tastic."

"Oh my god," the laughter bubbled up through her crankiness, "we're going to hope that no one asks you about that. Being pregnant is the weirdest conversation starter ever; it's like a pass for everyone to talk about your body and your bodily functions. And," the laughter spilled over again, "I can't even have a beer to make it a little less awkward when someone asks if I'm jumping your bones 24-7 yet."

"Well," Josh blushed a little as he remembered waking up a few short hours ago to Jill's warm mouth and a very, _very _welcome good morning blow-job, "I might mention the status of your boobs, but I'll probably keep the bone-jumping information to myself."

"I think that's probably a good idea," Jill winked, "if you want the bone jumping to continue."

As advertised Christmas Eve was fully of raucous family interactions, enough presents for the baby that Josh seriously wondered how they were even going to get it all home and enough bodily function conversation that bordered just on the edge of inappropriate for even Josh to blush.

But it was also full of little moments Josh was unwilling to take for granted, Jill groping for his hand while they sat at the dinner table, placing it on her belly to feel the strong kicks just below her ribcage, Jake's shocked face when the baby kicked happily when he hugged Jill goodbye,

And later, when they laid together in her old bedroom and laughed hysterically as their daughter put on a show rolling and dancing in-utero until Jill's belly resembled something from one of the Alien movies.

"Alien baby," Jill hiccupped as they tried to settle down, "we're going to be the greatest parents ever."

The days slipped into Opie season and she was back at the airport shocked that a year had gone by remembering rings and tears and amazed that here they were, months from becoming parents. Then reminiscing was over and it was back to work and appointments and the little bit of nursery prep that Josh had left her.

Somehow the hours were full enough that fishing actually felt quick for once and before she knew it they were back and headed on the promo tour for the newest season of the show.

"I'm as big as a house," Jill whined as Jake helped her out of the car, Jake grinned and raised an appraising eyebrow, "OK," she conceded, "not as big as house, but like a condo, or a townhouse and soon I'll be as big as a house and you'll be embarrassed to be seen with me."

"Shut up," Jake grinned, he'd been crashing in Jill and Josh's guest room while Josh was out doing promo for the show so he's nothing if not used to the mood-swings of the third trimester pregnant woman. "I can't believe I'm taking my pregnant sister-in-law out to the bars on a Saturday night. You know I love you Jilly, but my life used to be a lot more exciting than this."

The truth was Jake felt more than a little out of his element, because of the show Josh was gone a lot, and for the most part that was fine. Kay or Janey went along to Jill's appointments and Josh flew home as often as he could. Jake was mostly there to keep her company and make sure she ate and slept and didn't fall down the stairs or something.

And yet here she was, jeans slung below her belly, black v-neck t-shirt dipping low against her cleavage, smiling as he tucked her hand in his elbow. "Just you wait," she winked, "within 10 minutes there will be a line of people waiting to tell me how I'm harming my unborn child."

"Well," Jake laughed as they flashed their ID's to the bouncer just inside the door, "on the bright side, you're basically a built in designated driver, which is awesome. And the pregnancy police will likely provide at least entertainment."

It was less entertaining when Jake found himself strategically placing himself between overly drunk and clumsy bar patrons and Jill, he was eternally grateful when one of the bouncers took pity on him and his newfound over protectiveness and tucked them neatly into a booth in VIP.

He couldn't protect her from the looks though, by the grace of genetics from behind she looked normal, but from every other angle she was obviously pregnant. He watched her steel her face against the more vocal comments but when he finally took pity and suggested they go home her eyes shined gratefully.

"I just wanted to do something normal," in the car she ducked her face behind a hand, her voice thick with tears.

"Well so let's do something else normal, find somewhere else to go," Jake pulled her hand back and smiled reassuringly.

"It's hopeless," she groaned and leaned back against the seat, "all I really want is onion rings, a giant horrifyingly bad for me hamburger with extra bacon and sweatpants."

"That," Jake smirked and zipped across three lanes of traffic and off the freeway, "is something completely normal, and something I can absolutely take care of."

"I'm glad you're here," they were sitting on the couch, the carnage of the late-night Burgermaster dinner strewn across the table while an old episode of the Sopranos played in the background.

"Of course I'm here," Jake rolled his eyes dramatically and reached into the cushions to pull out a tennis ball, "Josh and I might not always see eye to eye," he tossed the ball in the air and gestured for her to turn around. "And god knows we fight like cats and dogs."

She smiled and closed her eyes as he circled the ball against her lower back and continued, "but when your brother turns on his most serious, grown-up voice and says 'could you please come sleep in the guest room hang out with my pregnant wife because I have to go do promo,' you have to be a pretty big fucking asshole to not say yes to that."

"I know," she pressed back against the ball, "but still, I'm glad."

"Plus," he moved the ball up between her shoulders, working the knots from just under her neck, "I actually like you Jilly, Josh could have married some airhead blonde from the Playboy mansion who whined, and only cared about clothes and baby oil and tropical vacations and tried to get all up in the family business. But he chose you instead – someone I've known my entire life and love like a sister even before you actually were my sister."

"Thanks Jakity," her voice thick with tears she scooted back to lean against the couch and tilted her head to rest against his shoulder.


	18. Chapter 18

_This little interlude should probably be entitled scenes from a pregnancy or something. It's basically a bunch of little scenes that I didn't want to lose but don't fit in anywhere else. Thank you all so much for your lovely comments and I hope you have a wonderful day!_

"I waddle," her voice was muffled by the pillow, "it's embarrassing."

"It's cute," Josh curled up behind her, rubbing a hand across her belly.

"I wanted to be a cute pregnant person."

"You are a cute a pregnant person,"

"All I do is throw up and waddle and greasy food makes me feel better. I'm supposed to feeding the baby like carrots or something, but instead all she wants is French fries."

"That's because she's my kid," Josh grinned and smoothed her hair back. "Harris babies don't need vegetables."

"Technically French fries are vegetables," she pouted.

"Fine," he laughed, "Harris babies prefer their vegetables fried."

"What the hell is this thing?" Josh held up the long snake-like pillow thing.

"It's a snoogle," she grinned from the opposite side of the bed.

"That is not even a word, don't lie,"

"It's a pillow thing," she offered throwing the other pillows at the foot of the bed and stripping the sheets from her side of the bed. "When I sleep with it my hips feel better."

"It looks like freaking voodoo to me,"

"It is," she grinned, tossing the sheets at him, "c'mon, you have to carry the laundry down to the laundry room for me."

"Why," he pouted, "you're pregnant, your legs aren't broken or anything."

"It's Jake's rule," she smirked, "somehow he's decided that the most horrible thing that could happen is that I'm going to fall down the stairs to my death, so I'm not allowed to carry anything when I walk down the stairs."

"As if I want to go anywhere right now. I don't even want to put on shoes right now."

"I don't want you to put on shoes right now," Josh stopped as soon as the words were out of his mouth, "holy shit, don't even think about what I just said, because I definitely didn't mean it that way."

"Don't lie," she grinned, "I know you like me best barefoot and pregnant, running around the house in the middle of winter in basketball shorts that are probably stolen from you or one of my brothers and a ratty tank top."

"I don't have a lot of complaints about the short or the tank top," he pulled her in next to him on the couch, "plus if you don't put on shoes it means we never have to go anywhere and that is completely OK with me."

"You don't have a lot of complaints about the tank top because I have giant disproportional breasts right now."

"So,"

"No," The flat tone of his voice was the one Jill was always surprised to hear from him. Even as she listened to him pace the kitchen, listened to him negotiate the conference call, she was always just a little surprised to hear him take control like that.

The footsteps stopped and she heard him drop heavily in one of the kitchen chairs. "I understand the points that each of you are making," she heard him start again, "and my answer is still no, the line in the sand is July 1. I don't actually care how close it is or how quick it will be. I have to put my foot down somewhere, and this is it. Schedule it for anytime after the 1st but not before."

She listened to him listen, the creaking of the chair as he shifted his weight and stood, the crackle of him opening a pop.

"Thank you." She heard him sigh and settle back into the chair. "We negotiated this for a reason guys. I've made my concessions already. Can we please stop having this argument?"

"Oh thank god it's you. I almost didn't answer the phone,"

"Why," he was on instant alert, "is someone bothering you, reporters, freaking Discovery." He trailed off imagining the horrors of reporters harassing her.

"JOSH," her voice cut through his building panic, "no one is bothering me, I'm super incognito, and I even go in the back entrance at my doctor's office for god's sake."

"Why are you screening your phone calls then," Josh leaned back in the chair in some nameless airport in the Midwest while he waited for his flight.

"Relatives," she groaned, "everyone wants to call and tell me about their pregnancy stories and give me hints like eating sandwiches with extra cheese because 'you know Jillian that sweet baby girl needs Calcium' and make sure not to eat anything that gives me gas and 'oh honey I can't believe you're still feeling sick, have you tried taking a tablespoon of vinegar.'"

Josh giggled quietly as Phil sat down next to him and Jill worked herself into a full blown rant, "here is the answer, no I have not tried taking a tablespoon of vinegar. I have a real doctor who went to and graduated from medical school and she makes sure I take 900 horse sized vitamins and knows intimately that I'm still feeling sick since I puked in. her. trash. can. during my last appointment. So honestly, unless every aunt, cousin and female relation of mine and yours can produce their own medical license I'd appreciate it if they could keep your medical advice to your own damn selves!"

"Amen sister," Phil leaned over to rumble into Josh's phone.

"Oh my god," Jill laughed, "did everyone hear me."

"Nah," Josh tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder, "he just sat down and heard the end of your rant."

"I'm sorry," Jill said softly into the phone, "I don't actually want to complain, but my Great Aunt Alice just stopped by with an absolutely gorgeous handmade baby blanket and then proceeded to spend 40-minutes telling me that the nursery was nice but I should just adjust to the fact that the baby is going to sleep with me for the first 3 years and now I'm totally freaked out that we're going to have a baby that's never going to be able to sleep alone."

"Oh my god," Josh groaned, "that is totally not going to happen."

"But how do you know," Jill wailed on the other end of the phone, "we're totally going to ruin this child. She's going to end up in jail or something."

"Jill," Josh interrupted, "JILLIAN," he said sharply waiting until she stopped to reassure her, "our parents didn't ruin us, and they're completely insane – "

"HEY," Phil yelled in the background, "I resemble that comment."

Jill laughed and they managed a somehow calm and rational conversation after that until Josh's flight to Chicago loaded.


	19. Chapter 19

Josh was in Lowell, Mass. when Jill went into labor. Josh thought it was probably some kind of horrific karma for being happy. Jill thought Josh was maybe a little bit of a drama queen. In reality, they were attempting to balance 8 months pregnant with pre-show promo, Discovery appearance obligations and the desire to get Josh's face in front of as many people as possible leading up to the premiere of the show.

He felt like a special kind of asshole excusing himself from a table full of Discovery and Original Production execs to take a phone call, but Edgar grinned and made a comment about how when your wife was eight months pregnant you should always take the phone call. Which turned out to be good advice because apparently his daughter, holy shit his daughter, had her own schedule.

"Wait, what, she's not due for five weeks" Josh sat down hard on the bench outside the restaurant clutching his phone so tightly he distantly heard the plastic squeak.

"It's fine," he could hear Jill's smile over the phone, "I'm at the hospital now only because I was working so I was here, they won't even let me check in to L and D yet, I'm playing cards with some nurses."

"I'm in Massachusetts, this is not fine," Josh laughed a little wryly.

"Joshua," she said seriously this time, "I'm fine, after we hang up I'm going to call my mom and she and Janey will likely break land speed records to get here, you just need to get on a plane and come home, she's going to wait for you, we already had a little talk and I made it perfectly clear that under no circumstances will she make her entrance into this world while you're on a plane."

"She's early,"

"Only a little," Jill's voice softened, "she's going to be a little small, but really, you know I'm the expert on this, she's basically ready." He heard her voice hitch a little and dropped his head between his knees.

"I love you so much Jill,"

"I know sweetheart, I love you too, and now I'm going to hang up on you so you can go make plans."

"OK," Josh drew a breath and felt the lightheadedness subside a little, "I'll call you with flights."

Josh scrubbed his hands through his hair and turned to walk back into the restaurant. Phil was the first to see him and when their eyes met Josh's knees actually went weak, this, this was why he went into the family business, this was what made all of the yelling, the long hours and dangerous exhilarating work, the hundreds of family fights worth it, because one look at his face and Phil was turning in his chair to whisper something to Johnathan and by the time he'd actually managed to say, "Jill's in labor, I have to go," someone was on the phone with a PA arranging flights and their food was in boxes and a car was on the way to take them to the airport.

Some things about celebrity made Josh decidedly uncomfortable, but at that moment, knowing his wife was in labor while he was on the complete other side of the country, he'd never been more grateful to be shuffled from car to airport, ticket pressed into his hand as they made their way through security and into the first class lounge to wait for their flight.

"All the guys are with me so the whole world probably knows you're in labor now, it's probably on the internet or something, blowing up Twitter. Edgar keeps yelling shit about expectant father's coming through. Someone kicked every ass known to man so we're flying direct, so I'll be there in like 5ish hours," Josh promised, "I'll tell the pilot to use the turbo. "

"Just get on the plane," Jill laughed, "I'm fine, Jake's here now, flirting with some nurses and asking people if they've seen him on TV. It's embarrassing. And my mom's here too, so mom's kicking all our asses at Pinochle and Jake is alternatively hitting on nurses and rubbing my back."

"How do you feel," Josh dropped into his seat on the plane and gratefully took the bottle of water Sig held out.

"I'm OK, they hooked me to a monitor because I'm early and because everyone likes to watch my contractions come and go. Jake says I'm like a human video game, so there you go I'm basically providing play-by-play entertainment right now."

"That's my girl," Josh said softly, "I'm coming as fast as I can."

"I know you are,"

"They're making me put my phone away," Josh glared at the flight attendant, "I love you, both of you."

"I love you back, see you soon."

By the time they landed in Seattle he was equivalently frantic and totally freaked out. To add insult to injury there was a film crew waiting at the airport, and some producer he didn't know tried to interview him while the car was literally screaming up the freeway toward downtown Seattle. Josh took a minute to thank whoever got a race car driver to drive this town car and then he turned his attention back to Jill who was on the phone, now in very active labor and in between breathing exercises was describing in intricate detail what she planned to do to him if he ever even tried to touch her again.

The film crew captured his run from the car across the street, darting through traffic, through the front doors and colliding with Janey who was pacing nervously in front of the door waiting for him. As soon as she spotted him it was off to the races and though it felt like the entire plane ride happened in slow motion, now it seemed like everything was in double fast forward, taking the stairs two at a time because the elevator just seemed too slow, running down the halls following Janey who suddenly and unerringly veered through a door and stopped and finally there was Jill, looking so small and so vulnerable and so, so very tired that Josh couldn't help but pull her into his arms and just hold on, almost unwilling to believe that she was real, and he was real and this was really happening.

When he finally let go he crawled into the bed behind her and said nothing when she gripped his hands so hard the bones ground together. Because he was there, he had made it. He wasn't going to miss the birth of his daughter.

Janey kicked the film crew out in the waiting room, because she's a Hillstrand and when push came to shove she'll do anything for her sister, including take charge, and because 2 hours ago, between contractions and with Josh on a plane somewhere over the United States Jill made her promise that there would be no cameras for this part.

Josh was intensely thankful for Janey who literally stood guard outside the room while Jill labored on the other side, because as time went on things got a little hairy, and he'd rather not see his face forever immortalized on film the first time someone used the words "fetal distress" where his currently-being-born daughter was concerned.

In between rubbing Jill's back, reminding her to breathe and being extremely impressed with her new and creative forms of swearing, Josh watched the fetal monitor with an intense combination of trepidation and awe. The baby's heartbeat wasn't dropping every time, but every fourth or fifth contraction there's a little break, enough that they're paying attention and that Jill and her doctor have a pretty intense conversation about the merits of vaginal delivery versus Cesarean.

The newest Harris made her entrance not long after that, Josh suspected due in no small part to Jill's stubborn ability to make the axis of the earth tilt and bend to her unerring will. Eliza Jane came into the world demonstrating a set of lungs that managed to be both completely reassuring and absolutely terrifying.

Soon enough there would be diapers, and phone calls and cameras and giant men of the sea reduced to tears by someone who weighed less than most Alaskan King Crab. But for now, Josh stretched his legs toward the end of the hospital bed, wrapped an arm around Jill, and watched as his daughter slept cradled against his chest.

It would probably hit him like a freight train at some point just how completely his life had just changed and just how unprepared he was for those changes. But right now he was pretty sure he was never going to do anything even close to as awesome as this tiny person.


	20. Chapter 20

_From tmz . com  
_

**Last night in LA**

Josh and Jill Harris were snapped leaving Katsuya hand in hand after a night of sushi. They were dressed for a casual night out - Josh in jeans, blue-button down and a leather jacket against the cool evening and Jill looking great 8 weeks post-baby pairing skinny jeans with a pair of sky high heels and an off the shoulder flowing black top. No word on baby Liza's location but we'd bet she has at least 5 uncles fighting for diaper duty.

No comment on whether the menu included crab.

_From people . com  
_

**Catch Star's wife shares how she dropped the baby weight**

Jill Harris is no stranger to fish. Daughter of Deadliest Catch star Johnathan Hillstrand and wife of newly crowned Cornelia Marie deck boss Josh Harris Jill gave birth to baby Liza five weeks early.

"She was a little peanut to start with," Jill reports from the home she and Josh share in Seattle. "But she definitely inherited her father's appetite and other than a couple of scares we didn't worry about her putting on weight."

Jill on the other hand dropped the baby weight using the old fashioned combination of diet and exercise. "Tuna!" Her bright laugh follows the exclamation. "There is no plyometrics and pilates and personal trainers in the Harris household. It's all tuna and water and a whole lot of running."

When asked how she's handling her newfound position in the spotlight the laugh is back, "it's a motivating factor, the idea that there might be a camera outside the drug store when I'm buying shampoo, I definitely think twice before I run errands in my gym clothes!"

_Inset in US Weekly _

**Get the gear**

Crab fishing wife Jill Harris strapped baby Liza in a black Baby Bjorn for hands-free trekking through the airport in Seattle. Harris was dressed casually in jeans and a scoop neck tee and carried a Petunia Picklebottom diaper bag.

**Posted to catchcrazy, 16 February 2011**

Harris and Hillstrand families enjoying some tropical downtime

Fresh from a grueling month of crab fishing it looks like the Harris and Hillstrand families are taking some well deserved downtime.

Behind the break, shirtless boys throwing around a football, captains drinking on the beach and a baby so cute I want to eat her for breakfast.

_(__see more)_

_Tags: __crab-bebe; boyswithbabes; jakeharris; joshharris_

_199 comments_

**Posted to catchcrazy, 19 February 2011**

Harris and Hillstrand in Hawaii – a couple of fan-meetings

From Andrea – met all four Hillstrand kids at the Safeway in Kihei. They were just as hilarious as I expected, nice as can be and posed for pictures and answered questions like it was no big deal. They were buying beer, chips, sunscreen and baby food.

From Chris – spotted Josh and Jill Harris walking through old town Lahaina with baby Liza. We didn't stop to talk because they looked like they were having such a good time as a family. Liza is just as cute as advertised and I'm not even a baby person!

From Erika – hung out with the Harris and Hillstrand families at Baby Beach just north of Lahaina. The whole family was there for a couple of hours. They piled out of 2 black Suburbans and had a ton of stuff! Food and drinks and blankets and baby toys and umbrellas and beach chairs. You can just tell how attached the whole family is to Liza, Jill and Josh barely even got a chance to touch her! Jake spent practically the whole time playing with her in the water and teaching her to splash and chase the waves and holding her while they walked out deeper.

_Tags: crab-__vacationing; jakeharris; joshharris; thewholefamdamily_

_51 comments_

_From People, April 2011_

**Catch Star Totally Smitten with his Daughter**

Liza Harris just celebrated her first birthday and if her dad's proud face is any indication he's already her biggest fan.

"Being a dad is awesome," Josh grins, watching from the corner of his eye while Liza plays with a play kitchen in the corner of the room.

"I guess you could probably say I'm pretty hands on. I'm not going to ever be the dad who's babysitting his kid. She's my kid. It isn't babysitting, it's just parenting."

He pulls a toddling Liza into his lap and accepts a plastic cup of piping hot fake tea.

"She's a daddy's girl," he shrugs with a smile when Liza tucks her head against his chest and falls asleep to the tune of his rumbling question answers.

We talk for 20 more minutes about the upcoming season of Deadliest Catch that features epic storms, epic family fights and an increasing challenge of balancing crab counts with new quotas. But we're mostly struck by how this fisherman is definitely a dedicated dad. He rubs Liza's back as she sleeps against him, buries his fingers in her baby-fine curls when we're asking questions and shifts her to rest against his shoulder when she starts to get restless.

When the interview is over he stands, careful not to jostle the still sleeping baby, hound's-tooth baby quilt slung over his shoulder and the ears of a well-loved teddy bear peeking from the depths of his back pocket.

_From People, April 2011_

**Jill Harris on day care, surviving when your husband is gone for months at a time and being a rocking mom**

_On she and Josh's tried and true baby-whispering method_

"We dance," her green eyes sparkle as she takes a sip of her latte. "When she was teeny and colic-y and we were new and sleep deprived parents Josh would dance around the living room with her and she would settle. And then later when Josh fishing and she'd miss him she'd get a big ol' pouty lip and we'd dance around the living room to make her laugh again."

_Back to work_

"I went back right around the same time King Crab started – Liza goes to the daycare at the hospital which is awesome because it let me run down a couple of times during my shift and breastfeed and just see her and it also gave her a chance to be around some other kiddos.

_On the importance of family_

"They're always around, and truly we wouldn't have it any other way. After they were done fishing Jake stayed with us for about a month and a half and Liza was so, so happy to have him around. He's really just a big kid and she just loves the heck out of him."

_On how they handle the distance_

"We work really hard to make any time we have together valuable. When you're apart as a couple the way we are you really, really treasure any time you have together as a family. Even if we're just cuddled on the couch with Liza on a random Thursday night we're all about making that moment the best it can be."

_On traveling with a toddler_

"We started her early – Josh had some promo to do not long after she was born and we went as a family. We're pretty focused on just making it happen, we're not going to stay home just because we have a baby. She's great traveler – she falls asleep pretty much as soon as we're on the plane.'

_Excerpt from radio interview – June 19, 2011_

Host: Now Josh, you and your wife Jill recently had a baby. Did that make it harder to be away from home?

Josh: Well obviously – she was right at about 9 months old when we left. And I just feel like she's changing and growing so much every day and to suddenly be gone for a big chunk of time it's definitely a challenge. But it's worth it because in exchange I get to be there for so much of her life. I'm gone for a long time straight, but then I get to come home and just have uninterrupted time with her.

Jake [interrupting] – when we get home he's a total baby hog. Jill practically had to pry Liza away to feed her.

_From tmz . com_

**Deadliest Catch Star's New Ride**

Here's one benefit to all that weight loss during crab season. Deadliest Catch cutie Jake Harris (28) was caught by our cameras riding shotgun in a grocery cart car while adorable niece Liza (2) piloted the mean aisles of Safeway. Also present was dad Josh Harris (29) who was in charge of the actual grocery shopping.

_From Women's Health_

Jill Harris – race finisher, fisher wife and fit mom

"I breastfed for 14 months," she exclaims when reading our recent article on breastfeeding and weightloss. "It was amazing and such a bonding time with Liza, but seriously – I didn't lose any weight! I worked my ass off to get back to my pre-baby weight."

"Liza and I were running just about every day and I started to think, geez, I'm doing all this running and building my base and [husband] Josh is about to leave for crab fishing – so I hopped on the internet and found a half marathon training schedule and figured, hey, it's good to have goals."

The race was one of the hardest things she's ever done "seriously, harder than childbirth. And there's no adorable baby at the end as a reward. There were 2 moments where I literally wanted to sit on the curb and just cry." And how did she overcome the obstacles, "the first time I didn't want to be the TV star's wife who quit 5 miles before the finish. What people think is something that motivates me. It's totally unhealthy and something I hope I never teach my daughter. But there it is."

The second time is the more romantic story. "Josh was waiting to surprise me and with 2 miles left I was starving and tired and my feet hurt and there he is, the guy who's most often found jogging from the couch to the fridge, but he's decked out in shorts and a t-shirt and running shoes and he finished the race with me. I literally could barely see the finish line through my tears."

Her husband is regularly gone for weeks at a time but they're dedicated to making the relationship work. "Oh man he'll kill me for saying this but we're super lucky because we have doting grandparents and uncles who are always willing to babysit. And she's a good sleeper so once she's down for the night we can get up to what we're going to get up to," a flush makes it's way across her cheekbones.

"It's hard, but there's something really exciting about that moment when we're finally together after so much time apart. Absence certainly does make the heart grow fonder but it also makes my heart just a little impatient."

When asked to elaborate her wicked grin tells the tale, "Let's just say sometimes Liza goes to bed a little early."

Good thing she can't tell time yet.


End file.
